Today was not good.

Now I was once told by a school friend something along the lines of "when you face adversity you know your on the right path." I said this to myself all day! Maybe thats just bullshit we tell ourselves? Obama spoke about community colleges and higher education. Thats what I am trying to do. Better myself, educate myself! Who gets this college stimulus money Mr. President? Maybe I will paint a picture for those of you no longer in college or at a community college....

As I stand in line I see an older women sitting in the chairs provided  (the wait is long at the financial aid window). She is filling out all different colored papers; green, pink, blue. I notice she is sitting strangely in the chair. As my eye follows down to her pants I notice her pink and brown plaid stiletto boots one was distinctly missing a heel. How unfortunate. I over hear the woman talking to those around her. She decides to include me in her tangent. "Are you here for financial aid?", "yes" I respond. "well I just heard from a friend that if I come here I get free government money." I agitatedly reply, "No, you have to be enrolled in classes." She happily says "oh well, thats what I'm going to do, add classes. Do I have to do that first then file for financial aid." "Financial aid pays you determined upon how many units you are enrolled in." I gave up. Another girl in line tried to explain it to her and she left the line. When I realized that my loan check was being sent back to my lender because I wasn't enrolled in SCC, regardless Sac City and American River are the same school district and cannot simply forward mail, I got back in line. There she was. With new shoes! "Oh hey again!" She tried asking me questions again and being the nice person I am I answered them to the best of my ability (I am financial aid pro thanks to Connie and my years of experience). Some how, some counselor got her enrolled in classes. I glanced at her schedule. The most random set of classes I have ever seen. She was basically put it anything that was still open. I didn't see if it totaled to 12 units (full time) but she assured me they did.

I can't take it anymore! People come from nowhere because they hear they can get free money. Add a bunch of classes and then drop once they get their checks. Who cares if they have a debt because they are no longer in the units. I have heard of these people. I have never met one in the process of fucking the system. I have never stared down the exact reason why there are so many hoops to jump to get help with my funding for my education. If that woman goes on to get an AA or some trade then fabulous. I will pray for her success. I just don't believe thats what is happening though. Because thats not what I see in classrooms. I can get a job. However, I go to school Monday through Thursday. If I found a job the hours that I would work would take up any study time I have left. I am getting so close. I just have to do math and a lab (including finishing this semester of course) and I can transfer. But this past two weeks has broken me. I walk around with a smile on my face for no reason so I don't get a negative attitude. I relish every second in my classroom that I am excited about learning (especially my political science class. My prof told me she has a tattoo, she is the coolest!)! I find the good in it. But its increasingly difficult to ignore the negative, keep my head down and keep moving on.

Any one ever been in this situation? What did you do to keep the faith and motivation going? I am in such a spot I am considering scraping the entire idea and going into the military. I am going to talk to an Air force recruiter tomorrow. I just pray for the strength to recognize my path and stay on it.