Friday, January 29, 2010

My cat is so weird.

Please excuse my crazy laughter

Someone was a sleepy kitty. I know I'm mean.
I've been told by one of my psych professors who specializes in animal psychology that he does this because he thinks I'm him mommy. He tried to clean my hair sometimes. He has been in the same spot for the past 5 mins now. I think he just fell asleep. Sometimes when I scratch my head he gets upset and forces his head in my hand. He also has a tendency to jump on you from the floor to your shoulder to cuddle you. 
A little history:
Yes his name is Raybeez. No it's not after the sickness. There is a band I like called Warzone and the lead singer's nickname was Raybeez. He is my beez. I've had him since I was 17/18 years old. I think this is the first time I have ever mentioned him. He has been on two cross country road trips. I got him in front of a Safeway for free in West Sacramento. I kept him in my room for awhile. When my mom came home I took her to my room, opened my door and said "look!". She looked around my room and asked "look at what?" All along Raybeez was sitting in the middle of my bed in plain view. I laughed and pointed him out. He was so little. She loved him right away but then got mad at me for brining another cat home (we already had 1 cat and 2 dogs). I wouldn't change a think about him!

Fill in the Blank Friday.

Lauren over at The Little Things We Do blog does this and it sounds kinda fun. So I thought I would try it before I head to the gym.

1.  If I weren't a    a dedicated student                  I'd love to be     wedding planner                    .

2.  When I'm super upset I   Take a sleeping pill and sleep.

3.  My favorite thing about myself is    my lips/how goofy and silly I can be            .

4.  If I found a $100 in the pocket of last winter's coat I'd spend it on   I'd buy it on dresses or save it for gas money.

5.  Even though some people might consider this a flaw, I love    that I can be dramatic, makes life interesting             .

6.  I love the way I feel    after I hang out with my friends and laugh really hard. Or after a really good work out         .

7.  I love my hair most when it's     been professionally thinned out and trimmed. Which needs to happen SOON!

That was fun. Going to talk to the Air Force and the Navy today. We'll see what they have to say.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Today was not good.

Now I was once told by a school friend something along the lines of "when you face adversity you know your on the right path." I said this to myself all day! Maybe thats just bullshit we tell ourselves? Obama spoke about community colleges and higher education. Thats what I am trying to do. Better myself, educate myself! Who gets this college stimulus money Mr. President? Maybe I will paint a picture for those of you no longer in college or at a community college....

As I stand in line I see an older women sitting in the chairs provided  (the wait is long at the financial aid window). She is filling out all different colored papers; green, pink, blue. I notice she is sitting strangely in the chair. As my eye follows down to her pants I notice her pink and brown plaid stiletto boots one was distinctly missing a heel. How unfortunate. I over hear the woman talking to those around her. She decides to include me in her tangent. "Are you here for financial aid?", "yes" I respond. "well I just heard from a friend that if I come here I get free government money." I agitatedly reply, "No, you have to be enrolled in classes." She happily says "oh well, thats what I'm going to do, add classes. Do I have to do that first then file for financial aid." "Financial aid pays you determined upon how many units you are enrolled in." I gave up. Another girl in line tried to explain it to her and she left the line. When I realized that my loan check was being sent back to my lender because I wasn't enrolled in SCC, regardless Sac City and American River are the same school district and cannot simply forward mail, I got back in line. There she was. With new shoes! "Oh hey again!" She tried asking me questions again and being the nice person I am I answered them to the best of my ability (I am financial aid pro thanks to Connie and my years of experience). Some how, some counselor got her enrolled in classes. I glanced at her schedule. The most random set of classes I have ever seen. She was basically put it anything that was still open. I didn't see if it totaled to 12 units (full time) but she assured me they did.

I can't take it anymore! People come from nowhere because they hear they can get free money. Add a bunch of classes and then drop once they get their checks. Who cares if they have a debt because they are no longer in the units. I have heard of these people. I have never met one in the process of fucking the system. I have never stared down the exact reason why there are so many hoops to jump to get help with my funding for my education. If that woman goes on to get an AA or some trade then fabulous. I will pray for her success. I just don't believe thats what is happening though. Because thats not what I see in classrooms. I can get a job. However, I go to school Monday through Thursday. If I found a job the hours that I would work would take up any study time I have left. I am getting so close. I just have to do math and a lab (including finishing this semester of course) and I can transfer. But this past two weeks has broken me. I walk around with a smile on my face for no reason so I don't get a negative attitude. I relish every second in my classroom that I am excited about learning (especially my political science class. My prof told me she has a tattoo, she is the coolest!)! I find the good in it. But its increasingly difficult to ignore the negative, keep my head down and keep moving on.

Any one ever been in this situation? What did you do to keep the faith and motivation going? I am in such a spot I am considering scraping the entire idea and going into the military. I am going to talk to an Air force recruiter tomorrow. I just pray for the strength to recognize my path and stay on it.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Love Triangle. (long post. But worth it!)

So I was inspired by Danielle's post just now. When I was in 8th grade I was in a creative writing class. I got such great grades on my papers. I decided that I was a fabulous writer (and I was, I have recently come across those papers, man I can tell a story)! As usual during that time we started reading The Diary of Anne Frank. My teacher just happened to know a living holocaust survivor and asked him to come in and speak. I saw the numbers tattooed into this mans wrinkled arm. I don't remember much he said. I don't know why. I wish now I could have asked him so many questions, but alas, I was young. I do however remember reading about all the terrible things that happened to the Frank's during the holocaust. Thats where it all started. The first question I asked myself was; why would someone (Hitler & co.) do such a thing? What in his right mind made him think that was ok?! Then I wanted to learn more about the actual events. My love affair with psychology and history began at that very moment. At the same time I had a young, twenty something, history teacher. He seemed to care about every single one of his students. He seemed excited to be in class. He wasn't irritated with us or annoyed by our rowdiness. Mr. D changed my life! I even remember his real name! His spirit for teaching reminds me a lot of Danielle's post.

In history class Mr. D told us we were to get into groups to have a tribunal. One side was to be pro dropping the atomic bomb on Nagasaki and Hiroshima and the other anti. I don't even remember exactly what side I was on, I think pro. The smartest girl in the class was on my team. She thought she was just going to take control of that group and do all the work. So she was assigning us tasks. I piped up and said "I'm going to research Pearl Harbor". She asked "why? What did that have to do with anything?" I told her she was crazy and researched it anyway in connection with the US dropping the bombs. Along my research I saw pictures of the devastation these bombs caused. I specifically remember seeing a book (there was no internet) that showed a picture of a normal liver, and a liver exposed to the amount of radiation from an A-bomb. Again I wondered why.

The day of the tribunal. We had to dress like lawyers and everything! Mr. D. made this as hands on as possible. The other side was first to ask questions. Are you ready for my shining glory?! Their question (which makes me think I was on anti dropping the bomb/ possibly Japan), "Why did you attack Pearl Harbor?" Oh my god! I could not help but have a huge smile from ear to ear. I looked over at Elsie Huxtable (I just remember the name) and said, "you wanna take this one?" Oh god I was vindicated against the smartest girl in class! I was hooked on research let me tell you! Needless to say, I went from a failing student (literally, I had an F in the class) to receiving a medal at my graduation for outstanding improvement in history (I still have the medal!).

The moral of the story is this. I was astonished by the events and wanted to learn more about them. At the same time I was intrigued, I wanted to know why. What in Hitlers mind made him think and do the things he did? For years I wanted to do history. Hands down. I started taking my community college history classes and had equally enthused about history. Prof. Piscopo actually gets on her tip toes when she gets excited about a particular piece of history. Prof. Patton teaches an amazing early American history class with a women's emphasis. She even had a hand in the text book we use. She is tough but great! I saw her at a prop 8 rally and she remembered me! It had been so long! I didn't get to finish her class because my books were stolen from my car and I had not money to buy them again. Sadly, I had to drop. All my history professors have been amazing ever since. However, I have had some great psych professors. Dr. Tromborg, he is blind. He has the most amazing sense of humor. He loves to hear the students moan and groan when we have tests. Literally. He told us! He calls all cats fluffy and did his dissertation on ground squirrels.

Then I saw the series on HBO John Adams. By the end of watching the series I went to my mom crying, "I have to teach history! Who is going to teach it the way it happened?" I was literally crying! Not a little , ugly crying! The part when John Adams walks through the white house and sees a painting of the signing of the Declaration of Independence depicting all the signers in one room. John Adams gets so upset because thats not how it happened. "Artistic license" the man says. No! It should be told how it is. So in that aspect I want to teach history. Badly. On the other I feel like I am comfortable in psychology. It interests me. I like learning about the criminal mind. I was going to work with vets with PTSD since there is a real need for that. But I cannot stand their whining! But I will keep that to myself. Or leave it for another post. So now that I decided not to join the army as an officer and work with vets and their families (the families need the most help on how to deal. I feel bad for them). What am I to do with a psych degree? There is so much! I am confused, torn, I don't know what. But I for sure am in a love triangle in the worst way.


Outfit today. I really liked it. I forgot I can't wear red to ballet though...oops.

I promise I'm not flashing you my underwear. I was trying to show off my nifty way of layering my ballet gear with my street gear. I meant to show you my ballet shorts!

I danced today. It was a slow class but essential. We worked on alignment. It's important for me to go over that since I have sculiosis and bad posture in general. Parking at school was rough. I got to campus around 9:40am and didn't find a spot till a little after 10am. Which is actually an improvement. I bought the majority of my books. I feel like I can finally get started on some work. I have a lot of catching up to do. I am concerned some of the software I have wont work on my Mac.
 I went and dropped off a new key card and some vitamins for Aaron in his mail box and headed to the gym.
It was so lovely there today. The rain took a break and it was so sunny. The treadmills face a big window and I just watched the blue sky. I feel so silly sometimes when I run because certain songs will remind me of events. I laugh or smile randomly when specific songs play. Or, as was the case today, sing a long silently. I had a really great work out.
I am blue today though. You'd think the blue sky's--like for most, would make me feel happier. On the way home from the gym I prayed in my head to get through this. I feel lost now. I am up in arms on what major to do (continue with psychology or switch to history which I really love), where to transfer to (it looks like come fall I may be ready to do so), and now I am alone again. Where to go? What to do? I guess its a case of the miss hims today. I really want to post on what him and I spoke about but I am nervous to. I am taking a risk, but I feel its worth it.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I can tweet too!

You can now find me on Twitter.
Lets be friends!
(Click the picture)

Button Crazy!

I feel bad because I came home from school early, subsequently missing my French class. But I got cramps. The first day of my "monthly bill" is like giving birth ( I would imagine)! I bet you tomorrow and the rest of the week it will be like nothing! I was able to buy a pair of tights and ballet shoes for tomorrow. I didn't find a leotard that I liked. They had more of a costume selection than a ballet one. My slippers have nylon heels. Its really interesting. But they really did hug my heel better than the all leather ones. Give em a try.


Home Sweet Home

It's pretty good for now.

PS. Welcome 9th follower!!!

Monday, January 25, 2010

Oh you!

Crazy world this is!
Went to the gym today. Ran a little faster. For a little longer.
I start dancing on Wednesday. I am so excited!! I would be even more excited if I had my fasfa check so I could get my shoes!
A lady freaked out on me today in the parking lot. I saw a girl walking to her car somewhere in the vast lot. I rolled down my window and asked if she was leaving. She said I could follow her to her car. So I did. The car could have been anywhere.
Sadly, it was in the same elise where a crazy lady was waiting for a spot to open up. First come first serve. Sorry. She pulls up to my bumper like she is going to hit me and starts screaming at me! Claiming it was her spot all this business, threatening me! I have never dealt with that before! The school itself is so much less stressful than simply trying to find a parking spot. I am honestly scared for tomorrow.
The mail hasn't come yet today (I know, I checked 20 times already). I have hope yet. But really I am scared for tomorrow.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

So Full.

So I took a picture of today. However, Jimmy hates pictures apparently so I will only use found pictures to depict this morning.

I love this place! Now, Connie always spoke about it as long as I've known her and I could never imagine what the hell she was talking about (she is from the south, I still have yet to experience Piggly Wiggly)! When I lived on the east coast there was one 2 exits away!!! I ate there with my friend Jimmy at least once a week. Their pancakes are friggin amazing! I loved them with marion blackberry sauce the best! So my Uncle Paul has a relative that manages one in Asheville,NC and brought some mix and syrup back for me!!! Such an amazing guy!
Jimmy made really great bacon. The pancakes were as big as my head. The coffee was good. I had a tasty mimosa to top it all off while relaxing watching Tough Love (which I am totally going to apply for next season). I laughed a bunch. It was so fabulous! I ran from Jimmy as he creepily imitated Sponge Bob. I love being around people that are as weird and goofy as I am.
Outfit from today. Excuse the messy closet and semi shot of the blankie my Baba (grandma) crocheted me. Oh pockets in dresses how I love thee. I will buy pretty much any dress with pockets.

However, on my way home, my brain got to me. (your not obligated to read further. But I don't mind if you do!)
Now I try and keep my blog upbeat as much as possible. I like to treat this as I did with my Livejournal though. So sometimes, I'm sorry especially with my break up, its going to be kinda boo. I'm Trying. I really wish he was there to laugh with us. I miss doing things with him. Sharing experiences. I really miss having someone I can call and say "oh my god, you wont believe this!"I really thought he was the one so I really got used to the idea of having him around for times like this. I view partners as part of your life (ah hem "part"ner). Friends, even Connie who is essentially my sister, have their own lives and aren't around all the time. This thing thats most different from all my other breakups is; before I met him I was exactly fine and happy. Happy with my life, friends, decisions, goals. That's when you are supposed to meet "those" people. Well, it's really hard to get back to that when you are so assured that the person isn't going anywhere. He has asked me, "what do you want me to say?" I want you to say, "sit tight! I just gotta do some things and I will be right back." I would be there! I would be fine with being there! I am a true hopeless romantic and will do just about ANYTHING for the right guy. He keeps saying he has treated me better than any other guys. It kills me cause its true! Why does he say that? To remind me I can't have that again? So I was thinking, on my way home, I just don't see myself (at least for a long while) with anyone else. I saw myself with him. I still do. To end this rant, I will share a story. Since as far back as I can remember....
I have had this fantasy. That the man of my dreams ends up on my door step (window, back door, whatever porthole my little mind had thought up at the moment) and professes his undying love for me. "I can't live without you!" says all the typical romantic amazing things and purposes and we live happily ever after. I always imagined this intense, undying, completely epic John and Abigail Adams style love (I never cared for Johnny and June...too volatile.). I still want that. I fantasize about this very thing now more than a decade later. I think I will never loose hope for it.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Just a few pictures.

I knitted a heart pattern into a scarf last weekend. Can you see it?

This is the face you make when its rainy and there is no where to go for piece and quite during lunch but your car.

I cared especially for my parking spot since it took me an hour and a half to obtain.

Friday night I drank wine with Connie via ichat. That got a little outta hand (I normally don't drink a 4 glasses of wine was not good for me!). But I laughed a lot. I needed to laugh. This afternoon I went to the gym. I lost 6 pounds!! I think I had plateaued with my weight loss. 
So I added some time to my work outs which helped.  
Tomorrow morning 10ish am I am bringing my Cracker Barrel pancake mix, 100% maple syrup and champaign for mimosas to Jimmy and Lesley's for breakfast! I am pretty excited.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

The Con's

So I was thinking on the way home from the gym tonight, a lot of things people dislike most about my personality I really like. I figured sharing this would give you (followers/readers) and idea of who I am. I would also like to do a whole post about some of my quirks (pro's) in general but for now...

  1. I am loud. The only person that doesn't tell me to keep it down is Connie. Thats because she is equally as loud or more so!
  2. I think I sing decent. I have heard from lots of people I suck (including my mother when I was 16). So I rarely ever sing even for fun.
  3. I will listen to a song until forever! I always seem to have new favorite songs. When I "discover" them I will listen to them over and over. Or if a particular song pertains to a situation I am in...the same applies. La Roux- Bulletproof was played like 50 times on the car ride home. "This time baby I'll be bulletproof." "I'm too proud to walk away from something when its dead."! Uh! It just speaks to me right now with this whole break up thing!
  4.  I am intense. When I like someone I reeeally like them. When I hate someone or something I really hate them (which I may get over after awhile making my terribly silly). Sadly, I feel this trait gets me into trouble sometimes so I only like it part of the time. As a result I fall hard for guys at times. Obviously that gets me into trouble.
  5. I talk a lot. I hardly ever shut up. I used to talk to friends in high school till the wee hours of the morning! And even still have in the somewhat recent past. This trait really irritated me. I would get really embarrassed or concerned people thought I was a bad friend for not listening. Then, I had dinner with my Dad and his wife and saw it! He never shuts up! My dad hasn't always been a fixture in my life and I just adore him regardless (big post on him planned). So when I see things in me that say "see you are his kid!" it just makes me really happy. So I stopped being so embarrassed.
Do any of you have traits that others can't stand but you just wont break? Something that just makes you...YOU!?

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

What Makes Me Happy Wednesday's

( everyone else has these kinds of days...why don't I start... and what and Wednesday rhymes!)
So in honor of my first ballet class this is what I have been looking at and smiling about for the past 30 mins!

And another movie to see...

I am so excited to get started. I spoke with the professor (who is friggin hilarious, amazing, great, all those good things!) and told her I have taken ballet before and know quite a bit of beginners things. So hopefully the first 3 weeks will be a breeze. I hope to move up the latter rather quickly. I have a feeling there are some new friends to make in that class as well. Just a great vibe today. Aside from the lights going out 3 times during our orientation due to the high winds (up to 60 mph!!!). Back to oogling ballet pretties!

How to Survive a Breakup #2

Do things on your own!

 A lot of the anxiety and sorrow I experience is because we had all these trips and adventures planned. I feared that I wouldn't be able to do any of them anymore. That everything was lost! He said he would do so much to get my car in shape (provided I buy parts), camping, going to the snow, the museum, cook low cal dinners together (most of the things we planned I thought up to get some time in since he seemed to be loosing interest).

Well guess what?!

I can do all that and more! I can still go to the snow and go camping with my friends Jimmy and Lesley (Jimmy is a survival expert!). I still went to the museum, and had a fantastic time! I didn't feel rushed or concerned that Aaron was enjoying himself. I was enjoying myself and thats all that mattered! Not to mention I saw some really great things!! My car will still get spruced up (granted I may have to pay a little more than just parts). You better believe I will cook low cal dinners for myself! I will even post recipes here. I feel so accomplished when I do something on my own. It strengthens my faith in myself and my abilities to be a productive strong person!

If in fact you do tend to drift off into the dark side and start thinking about how you wish he/she was by your side, doing the things you are doing....STOP. Say it out loud or in your head. But tell yourself to stop. It is pointless wasting YOUR time thinking about someone else. I (and you) are good enough to have a perfectly good time by yourself as you would with your ex (who decided he wasn't interested in spending anymore time with you, and thats the truth, no hard feelings). Because the bottom line is, he/she just really isn't into you....but I am planning a whole post specifically for that line.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Have to see this!

I have to see this!

Monday, January 18, 2010

How to Survive a Breakup #1

Church outfit!!

So there are a few things that I am learning that are helping me get through this a little easier. Hobbies. If I don't have time I will make time to stop and create something. Making something makes me feel so useful and proud. For me, I knit. The past few days I have knitted so much! I look down at my progress and it re -instills that I am capable of things. Not to mention smart enough to teach myself! I even made a nifty video to help others learn to knit a ribbing stitch (not sure how helpful it is, but it was fun making it!).

Yeah, never mind I sound like I am from the midwest
(however, I lived in the great lakes/up-state NY for some time which is were
I get that from). 
I am now knitting a heart pattern into a scarf. 
I'm excited to learn more patterns and make something other than a scarf. 
Part of doing a hobby or creating is finding like minded people. 
I am going to check out a Stitch and Bitch group on Thursday.
I am doing this all on my own which is also important. 
I feel very 

I will be making "How to Survive a Break up" posts quite regularly from now on. So please stay tuned as I am learning daily!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Thanks be to God.

I have had, by far, the most amazing morning!
I woke up at 8:40am and made it to church pretty much 9:30 on the dot (Now, I have struggled with the idea of faith and god and all that comes with that my entire life. My parents never baptized me to give me a choice in my religion. However, the time I have spent in churches were mainly in catholic ones. I understand most catholic traditions and I do enjoy them.). When I feel inclined I really love St. Francis of Assisi downtown. The church is so relaxed compared to so many others I have attended in the past. I even got a hug as I walked up to the church!!
 When I let my thoughts and apprehension go and just listen and feel I tend to have this great wave of relaxation when I am in the church. I feel so safe inside the walls (very beautiful ones at that). Such a great time to just sit, stand, and kneel in meditation. For some strange reason, when I do have the urge to go to church the sermon is usually perfectly set to exactly what I am going through at the time. So needless to say, I am going to make the commitment and go to the adult catechism classes and get baptized. Not sure my dad will be too happy about it. But the fathers parting words today were to go out and help unite the Christian faiths as opposed to be divided because someone else is right or wrong.
 I have aways been the type to believe something after it has been proven, I would like to try this year to believe something I feel is right or true even before it's scientifically proven. That goes with relationships too.
My great morning does not end there!! (But wait theres more!!!)
It was free sunday over at Crocker Art Museum. Oh man was I excited!! They had a sign out front that said limited depending on capacity. I had no idea how popular free sunday was! I found a parking spot and walked in. So warmly greeted and handed a little flyer describing the amazing treasures that were being featured. "Curiosities"!!! I have been wanting to go since I saw the beautiful opal and diamond 1900's broach on the sign back in December(turns out it was Margaret Crocker's favorite broach and they showed a painting of her wearing it!!!)!

Not to mention 2 other broaches of hers were shown. Both Tiffany's!!! Then I saw some fantastic 1800s clothing. Specifically this purple velvet evening dress. Oh man! I could have stood there all day and starred at it. The craftsmanship was out of this world! Many of the clothing Pieces belonged to Aimee Crocker, who was considered the more eccentric out of the siblings.

Edit!!! I forgot I must add that I saw one thing that was particularly interesting. Some may think this is gross. I think this is just fascinating!

Human hair!!! Can you believe it? Done by twisting hair from family members donating hair. Most the time hair from a dead loved one was used and the wreath was placed in a shadow box as a memorial.

The beads on her shall were made of cut steel and all I could think,  I leaned over to get the closest look possible, was how heavy this Jacket/shall must have been! I topped off my morning with a good cup of coffee from my favorite coffee shop down town and headed home. I am feeling pretty good. Still a little sad and mad of course. I spoke to my dad and I think he really feels for me for the first time which means a lot. He said he would call me at the end of the weekend. He even told me not to be a stranger!!! I am planning another trip up there soon (to Oregon). Hopefully the first week or so of Feb. My dad and his wife got a new 8 week old puppy so I am excited to meet Zeus!

What have you been up to this weekend? Anything new or exciting? Hope you all have a fantastic rest of the weekend!!!!

Saturday, January 16, 2010

First day of school

Had my first math class. So much help available to me so I am happy about that. I am basically retaking a class I took last semester. However the previous class was too fast and difficult for me. I have all this homework I have to do on a computer but I don't have money to buy the software yet (or any of my supplies for that matter). I really hate that. Just once I want to have a head start on things! I get my Fasfa (federal financial aid for you non students) on the 22nd so I wont be too far behind. I have the book from my last class so I can study and I also took a sample test.

I have been very contemplative the past 2 days. I suppose its because Aaron's reason for breaking it off is because he needs to find himself. So I have been thinking about myself a little bit lately. Usually when I go through a breakup I do something horribly wrong to piss that person off and at the end I ask what it was and fix myself. I love constantly learning and evolving in that way. I've asked friends what I could do personally to evolve. But particularly I have been thinking about greatness.
 A person may have an inclination that they are meant for something important or note worthy. I have had that same inclination since I was very young. I thought maybe I would write a book. If you think about some of the worlds greatest leaders not many of them put themselves in these positions of power. Martin Luther King Jr. may be a good example especially in the wake of his birthday. MLKjr was a family man, married had children. The man saw and injustice and decided to take the steps needed to make a change. I am sure he had no idea he would make such a difference. I recently read about how MLK jr. made a world wide change.
 Presidential candidates can merely campaign (or pay off people if they are dirty and they usually are) to obtain their position.
 I believe if we are destined to do something noteworthy than no matter what you do to get yourself there something you do is going to make a sound. I am humble. I have had a realization that I am such a itty bitty speck on this earth. My thoughts and actions have very little impact on the world. What they do have impact on are the people and corners of space that I am around. I will try everyday to be mindful of how my decisions effect myself and those around me. Replace a callus exterior for one that is more useful. Many people who are not mindful are in need of caring. Maybe if I show that to them, only wish people love and hope then I will feel more calm internally. The only greatness I am destined for is to do right by me. That's what I plan to do.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Okay Okay!

It's only 24 hours so I am still sore! But I will get through this!!!
I am going to use this as the first time to talk to my dad about boys. I never have because I always wanted to maintain that little girl nothing is every wrong image. I am a sucker for my dad!

I am still going to the museum on Sunday. I may even get up early and go to church and then hit not only Crocker art but the history museum as well!

I am going to get through math just fine! I have a great support system through my aunt and I am sure my school has a great math lab.

use this time to stop being so stubborn about things. Just refine who I am. Maybe even love myself a little more

And maybe, if he really doesn't come back to me (if you love him set him free, if its right he'll come back is secretly in the far regions of my brain) then I will flee to Oregon!

Also I am officially aspiring to be Indiana Jones! It's only a natural progression seeing as how I have been  in love with those movies since birth!

Dont feel like posting much.

My boyfriend and I broke up last night. Kinda want to stay in my room and sleep forever. Thankfully school starts saturday. He was supposed to help me with math so I am a little more nervous and anxious about school. I am really terrible at math. Don't want to bum anyone else out. He said he needed to find himself. It was nothing I did. He said maybe after he figures things out he would come back to me. But I don't want to hold to false hope. This really sucks. I will post better things later. Now, I just want to go and sulk.

Hi 8th follower! Welcome!!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Good weather is not here to stay

But thats ok! I had a pretty good day anyway so far!
Went to the gym

Had lunch with Aaron

Picked up some hot chocolate and the tastiest vanilla gelato ever!

My stomach has been feeling really terrible lately (almost thought something was wrong with my appendix) and today I feel almost 100% better!

I have also decided a solution to feeling so lonely (girlfriend wise) I am going to start doing things on my own! First thing, I am hitting the thrift stores downtown.

I also want to stop wish listing things on websites that I will never buy. I have a hard time spending money on myself. I hate spending money.

I am hoping to finish the remaining 6 chapters in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

Tomorrow is my last day of freedom before my first class on Saturday. May do something special.

Sunday I am hoping Aaron is still down to go to the Crocker art museum Sunday. Sunday's are free if you get there from like 10am-12pm. I love having things to look forward to!!

What do you have to look forward to for the rest of the week or weekend?

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Two in one night?!

Unheard of! I suppose I was inspired. My sister and I used to listen to this song all the time. We used to hope and wish for someone like this in our lives. Someday maybe? I wonder if that really exists? Maybe for some it seems... My sister and I have yet to discover it. I am going through a rough patch in my love life lately. So sorry for the negative nancy I may be acting like lately.

Holy Moly!

I just realized I had comments from people! I am so excited! Hi all! and Hi 7th follower!! So glad to have you. I finally figured out how to get the little movies I made through iMovie onto flicker. Here is one of them. My first "project". Since then I made another one showing my trip to my dads back in December but it looks like I still need to export that. So one more to come stay tuned!!


Crazily enough, I had to upload my second iMovie to Youtube it was too much for lil' flickr to handle.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Earth shattering!

Some new things going on:

  • It's my last week of freedom. School starts again this saturday!
  • 6.5 magnitude earthquake shook my sisters house into shambles up in Eureka. As a result of the quake our famous governor has declared a state of emergency, read more here.
I watched (500) Days of Summer the other night. It was pretty good. Had a very unexpected ending but I recommend it. 
 I always try and pretend to be brave at the start of every semester. People ask me are you excited to go back to school and I typically respond "oh, I am so used to going all this time its like nothing." Then the closer it gets to the first day (or week) I start to realize no matter how old I am, or how long I've been going to school I will always get excited/scared/nervous/anxious the first day/week of school. I am starting at an entirely new campus too this semester. I am also refocusing my major. Primarily the past few years I have been a psychology major. However, I have a real love and passion for history! I am so ready to get into some real school! I just need to stop and take a deep breath, slow down a little.

 I came across this great video! My hair is starting to get to a point in which I could probably achieve some actual style with it. Sadly, I don't know anything about long hair (seeing as how my hair has been not much past chin length for the past 10 years). I am on the prowl for quick and easy things to do with my hair. Check this out!

Saturday, January 9, 2010

So bored.

So I will share some pictures I took with my photobooth

I haven't named her yet.

My old derby team colors. Which I sorta feel like unraveling.

sharing my new Macbook with my family. They are so amazing!

I feel in the Halloween mood for some reason. All  want to do is watch scary things. Maybe I will pop in the latest Harry Potter and knit! I should really teach myself to pearl

Thursday, January 7, 2010


Good times for a change
See, the luck I’ve had
Can make a good man
Turn bad.

So please please please
Let me, let me, let me
Let me get what I want 
This time

Haven’t had a dream in a long time
See, the life I’ve had
Can make a good man bad

So for once in my life
Let me get what I want
Lord knows, it would be the first time
Lord knows, it would be the first time...

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Not going to be 21 forever.

Forever 21 ‘Pleat Accent Woven Dress’

Posted using ShareThis

I am so excited! I love dresses and I especially love well priced ones at that. I recently made a few dress purchases at Forever 21 and was completely disappointed by the construction of them! A little history:

 When I was in high school I work mini skirts a ton! I didn't think anything of it. Somewhere from the age of, lets say, 20 years old to now I began to feel a little uncomfortable having my shirt hem so close to the lower half of my behind!! It is just uncomfortable to be so conscious of not letting everything come flying out when you sit, stand, bend over... you name it! I feel so much more comfortable sitting and moving around in dresses/skirts that hit me any where from the knee to low-mid thigh. I feel part of it has to do with my resolution a few years ago to be more proper. I wanted to be more of a lady. In my younger years I had pretty much nothing but guy friends until I met Connie. So I didn't much know how to be lady like or even have some common sense manners until I bout Emily Post's Etiquette. It is such a great book and has taught me so much! I recommend it to anyone!

 So basically along with my choice to be more lady like and girly, dresses were a natural progression. I am not rich by any means so it has taken me some time to acquire my collection of dresses. When I am in the mood for something fun and cheap most ladies go to Forever 21. However, the few times I felt confident in my size and just bought the dress without trying it on... I was disappointed in the length of the dress. This is one hell of a rant I must say. I suppose my conclusion is that I am glad to have found others who are on the hunt for more modest clothing. I have been following Sensibly Styled for a minute now and love everything she posts! I also have been following Rockstar Diaries and have learned of a few new ways to style more modest lady like clothing and a few stops to find dresses.

Sadly from time to time I feel pressure to have fun with it. I am still young and can pull off short skirts. So I go out and buy something I feel thats fun and trendy. The second I put it on and leave the house, its like I am instantly uncomfortable and think, "this is just not me." haha. I am so silly sometimes. I still need help and direction. If only I could hire a stylist! Ah well.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

This is what you get for not going to sleep...

At a decent time.
                  You day dream, only at night, only you are awake.
And I hope, pray, cross my fingers, whatever it takes....
It will come true.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

New year.

So very glad there is a new year. I can't thing of too many amazing things that happened last year. Maybe three come to mind. This new year I spent at Aaron's place with my friends Jimmy and his girlfriend Lesley. It was fun. I love the champaign part. I even bought noise makers that drove Aaron's dog Kadee wild. It really was only a matter of time that she would bite me for blowing them so much. We didn't take any pictures. Which only really saddened me because I had a cute outfit on. Maybe I will just start taking my own pictures of my especially well put together outfits.

Last night I figured out how to use the video chat on Ichat. I talked with Connie for awhile. It was fantastic! And we didn't even use any of our minutes! There have been so many conversation in which facial expressions have been important to the story or we had to ask each other if something looked good for an outfit. Now we can!!!!
 I really don't have any female outlets here. I have girlfriends, yes, but I don't have girly friends. I can't call anyone up to go window shopping, or actual shopping. I don't have anyone to craft with (especially now that I want to make headbands, necklaces, and handmade cocktail rings out of flowers and zippers.) Connie is coming back in May. So now I feel that I will have that outlet yet again. I think women need comrades in that way. I feel that they are important for our sanity. My mom helps a little bit. But she isn't a sister like Connie is. I especially like that Connie can talk about woman's issues that I think about a lot
 She has a woman's emphasis on her nursing degree. Lately I have been having body issues. I know I am not horribly fat, but I feel a pressure to be what the media puts out as "beautiful" or "hot" thats for sure. I try and eat right and I go to the gym just about every day of the week (with one or two down days).  Today she made a comment on how she took a test and it said her figure was "womanly". Haha. Of course it is, she is a woman! But like she said, at least she wasn't a fruit! I think I am an hour glass. I think that means I am full of sand.
This is me last new year. My resolution was to wear more skirts and dresses. I'd say I held to that.

I suppose I should start my day.