Friday, February 19, 2010

I have decided.

I Smart-E-Pants Mcgee have decreed:

 I am totally going to reinvent myself.
The more I think about the better it seems.
I made the executive decision to have nothing to do with boys and romance so long I am in school.
Frankly, they are too distracting. Not to mention the majority of boyfriends I have had
are intimidated or something that I am so dedicated to school. 
I suspect they are insecure about themselves.

So I want to do this from the inside out.
I am severely lacking in confidence. I have for a very long time.
As a result of this I pass on things that will bring attention to me (also makes me despise my tattoos).
From here on out I will no longer buy black. Nothing against black. I just have enough of it already.
Most the time I choose something black because I figure the color option will make me stick out.
I worked on this when Aaron and I were together, however I just made it a point to wear colorful things.
I think I will just eliminate black.

I have a theory. If I feel confident, successful, happy all those nifty things it will attract like minded folks.
On top of that I feel it will set the bar for who I'd like around me.
I am going to spend every second of my life enjoying it!
I will no longer internalize negativity.
Such as:
People giving me crap about what I wear
others opinions on my tattoos
People "making fun" of personality traits
(I like being loud and silly damn it!!!!)
(will not even consider that word!)
Other peoples reactions to:
If someone else gets upset I will just smile at them and let it go.

I am super excited to refine this goal and put it into action.
Something about today made everything click.
I emailed Aaron #2 (I split him into two different Aaron's because the one now is meeean) and I feel like I finally got rid of everything I was holding on to.
Being in this place of nature and around my Dad and his wife is so inspiring!
Seriously I love coming up here!
Oh, and Ceaser Millan, you can apply those rules to children and yourself.
I plan on doing more research on this.

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