Wednesday, March 17, 2010

I'm Guilty.

I was innocently talking to another classmate after ballet about finding a place to do ballet outside of ARC. She was giving me the information for a place she dances and teaches at when I felt it.
I felt eyes on me.
The weather has been really nice here this week. Picnic weather no doubt. We had a skills test in ballet in which we would be knocked down if we didn't wear specific colored tops (I wore my only clean shirt out of the colors which was pink and short sleeved, very very comfy too).
I had noticed this much older lady shove her way past another classmate of mine to get to a chair placed at the side of the room. The chair was right by where my classmate and I were chatting. I noticed this lady was very rude to my other classmate. She was coming in for the stretching class following our ballet class.
I looked over at her and noticed her eyes working me over. I looked back at my classmate and continued talking about the information for the upcoming adult ballet classes. I still felt eyes burning through me. So I looked the lady directly in the eyes. I always try and give people the benefit of the doubt that they can't be so rude as to stare intently at me. I wondered if she simply had a stigmatism, because despite that I was looking her in the eyes, she never looked at my face. Finally my classmate noticed my distraction by her and questioningly at her as well. The lady finally piped up and asked, "did that hurt putting them things on you?" in a manner in which she had no clue she was being rude by staring at me for the past 5 mins and interrupting my conversation with my friend. I sat quite for a moment. Trying to contain myself. I wanted to say something a long the lines of "don't you think its rude to stare?" Instead I said "Actually it didn't hurt one single bit." I reassured her that I felt completely nothing when I got my tattoos. I typically am used to this. I realize its my fault for getting such brightly colored drawings on my arms. I do my best to be pleasant when speaking to someone. I try and speak articulately, possibly burst any stereotypes about tattooed people (or women specifically). That all being said, I want to let anyone who reads this to know:

The only reason I hate my tattoos and am pondering spending thousands of dollars to remove years of work is because of people like her. The hundreds of people who look at me like I am a freak. Who are too dumb to realize that in order to apply a tattoo you must be pierced from anywhere to 2 or so to 12 tiny needles. I would say its safe to assume it hurts. I don't really care to be stared at. No I didn't do it for attention, honestly, I wish they were invisible. I wish I would have gotten all these pieces done on canvas and kept them in my bed room for no one to see because they mean something to me or I like them. I don't care what you think. I appreciate it if you didn't fucking stare at me. I say these specific things because by far its the single question I get asked most. "Did that hurt?" YES YES YES! The only varying factor is sometimes, it doesn't hurt as much as other spots. Other people are sensitive and others, not so much. But it ALWAYS hurts, even if its a little. I also hate being asked about them period. I don't ask you about your tan, blonde hair, dumb facial piercings, I don't assume you got your tongue pierced because you give a bunch of head. I mind my own business. I would appreciate the same. Anyway...
I believe this one is the "High Hat". Delicious meringue icing. Like my coffee cup reference on height?

I try not to let this get me in a mood. However, this lady was completely rude and interrupted me. My Aunt Ruby is in town so I feel like poo. My allergies give me a headache. I just didn't want to be bugged today. I promptly bought myself some cupcakes and moped in the house. My allergies are retarded thanks to this lovely weather and I don't feel like going to the gym.

(Lavender frosting on a honey soaked vanilla cupcake from Babycakes. I love them)
 I don't even know how it feels to like my tattoos anymore thanks to others. If you are a tattooed lady I would love to know your feelings on this. How do you feel about others staring you down? I mean I could write an entire blog on peoples reactions to me alone!

1 comment:

  1. I don't know if I would consider myself a "tattooed lady" but I am a lady with a few tattoos. I definitely relate to you although I don't get nearly as many looks nor do people stare at me (for my tattoos anyway).

    That tattoo on my ring finger ("for rent") gets A LOT of comments. I don't know if you heard me talk about it but I get extremely frustrated when people ask me about it knowing they don't agree with it or like it. When else would that be acceptable? I would never ask you about your sweater if I hated it and even more so, I wouldn't make a funny face or turn my nose up after you told me about it. Craziness!

    I commend you for giving people the benefit of the doubt and being patient with people. It is hard to do and the fact that you make a conscious effort speaks leaps &bounds. If you want to get your tattoos removed, by all means do so, but I hope you are doing so for you and not because of others' reactions. They tell a story about you and although maybe not everyone enjoys them, the people that do (yourself included) should be the people whose opinions matter.

    Bottom line, you rock those tattoos and if you love 'em, keep 'em. You are intense and beautiful with or without tattoos.

    [Sorry I wrote a book, haha.]