Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Rough start.

I've had a really rough start to my week thus far.
Not sure I have felt this low in quite some time.
Its a struggle. I need guidance pretty bad and no one to help.
I did something the other night I could have never predicted I would do. But I was desperate.
Its been years since someone has laughed at me when I was trying to simply be honest.
It still hurts as much as it did when I was younger.
Will someone please explain to me how people can change so vastly so fast?
Be this really nice, good, warm hearted person at one point and turn to someone so cold. So cold they would laugh at you when you are trying to be open?

My life is school. My entire transferring to the school I want rides on math. Thats right. It completely rides on me finishing math in a timely manner. That may not sound like a big deal to you. However, I am in pre-algebra and I still have 2 or 3 more math classes until I get to statistics. Then I will finally be able to take research methods in psychology which is my last required class. My goal is to be ready to enroll spring 2011. If I don't get this math done then I wont be able to enroll when I want and prolong, what I feel as, the next steps of my life (remember, school is my life). I don't want to sit in this limbo (however my whole life is that, we're together, but not, we are friends, but not. The world needs to make up its mind!). I need help! I am not too proud to beg. I have a math lab, and from time to time I can leech off of my friend to help me a little (which is soooo soooo greatly appreciated!!!!!!! I should buy him a coffee or something. Yeah you Friend).

So tell me, does this sound illogical to you? That I would take help where ever and whenever it would be offered?

Isn't this a fantastic dance by the way? Maria Kochetkova is the ballerina. She is simply fantastic! I love the ending the best. I can totally relate.


  1. oh, how i know this low feeling. i am so sorry that when you opened up someone laughed at you. so very sad. thank you for opening up to us here. you are definitely not alone. we all want to do better, go places, and do it all in a timely manner. i know you'll get through your math classes. just take a deep breath or two {or a million!} until you're ready to tackle this thing head on. that's what always helps me.

  2. Take a deep breath. Everything is going to be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end. You'll realize when you're not in school that your life becomes all about something else. You'll also realize that your life will forever be in limbo. There will always be unfinished business, or things you can't do or places you can't go because of something else that is holding you back. Just embrace it! Life will forever be this way. I graduated from school almost 3 years ago and my life is still in limbo. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I have no idea where I want to live... but i have little goals. And if I accomplish them one by one, little step by little step, and wake up each morning with a smile on my face, then I know i'm just doing the best I can. You can do this math... just focus, but your heart into it, and get through it. Whatever it takes. Because this math = your future.

  3. I'm sorry it's been a rough week. I know how that is.