Thursday, June 17, 2010

We like to get fucked up and do fucked up shit.

Things seemed to be pretty fucking great up until this point.
I have been fighting feeling down for some time now.
I can't really play that anymore.
1 think to look forward to, going to oregon for 4th of July.
I am really excited about that.
Works kinda blagh. However, I really appreciate that I have a job I can wear short sleeves to. Hot!
Sign is good. I feel really good about my mid-term.
A guy tried to PURPOSELY hit me while I was running on the side of the road today. He told me to go on the side walk. I ran home and called the cops.

Ok, to break down some emo shit real quick:

So for some time I have felt down but had no idea why. The best I have come up with, after asking myself hundreds of times simply what I feel, is that I feel numb. You know when you have that painfully numb feeling? Thats it. I feel like a bad person because I don't feel anything. Supposedly this guy was trying to show me emotion and I didn't even know he was (which has happened a few times with him). Today he was showing concern when I told him I nearly got hit by a car. However, when talking about said incident, he explained to me that you have to make sure you eliminate certain variables or else it could be looked at as "looking for trouble". I doubt by doing my daily run, this one freak time, I was specifically looking for trouble when asking the guy who almost hit me if he saw me and then taking down his make, model and license plate number. I never notice when people are doing things out of emotion for me. Maybe I'm shut off? Autopilot? Painfully numb like when you hurt your hand or leg or something is the perfect explanation. I don't really know where to go from there.

1 comment:

  1. I know how you feel honey, when you just feel numb and don't know why. Sometimes I get that way too. When it happens, I just let it happen. I let it get through my system and I try to stay positive and it'll eventually melt away. I hope you feel better very soon.

    Love and Turtledoves,

    P.S. You might wanna make the column of your blog where the articles are more opaque... it's very hard to read