I haven't been posting on here AT ALL! Its kind of ridiculous. Especially because I have so wanted to write about everything thats going on. Writing for me is so very theraputic. Its helpful to get my thoughts all out of my head so I can see them and work them out. I want to write on here. Part of me is conflicted about this because what I have been going through is something I would consider private. But I love blogging. I feel like the dirty, tough, not to pleasant things in life are so rarely talked about in public. Plus, there are times when I read a blog post that someone else shared that helped me so much with something I may be going through. Case in point Chloe posted a notable one that really touched me.
Things don't always turn out the way you planned them to. You may end up doing something you never EVER could have expected. I found myself sitting in church last Sunday thinking, "I am sitting in this particular church. I can't believe I am here." But its good! Its not easy but when you think about it, who ever said it was going to be? The only person, or being if you will, that knows your lifes plan is God. Its so hard to remember when you are in the middle of a really challenging time that He will never put you in a spot you wont be able to handle and come out of stronger. I've found a home at church but its still such an adjustment period. I was so afraid of judgement and whats most interesting is I never got any judgement from those at church, but from those who are not church members. Part of me wants to talk publicly about my experiences to show that its not all scary. But a larger part of me wants to be Caitlin who happens to go to church not the other way around.
There are two things I clearly remember my Mom telling me as a child. There are a lot of things my parents left out about growing up, but here are two that stuck out. First, don't ever depend on a man. Now I agree with this. Women should not completely rely on their boyfriend, husband whatever. My Mom's mistake is that she didn't ever explain this. So I took her advice literally (what did I expect?! I was a kid). Second, she told me that everything should just work perfectly and everything should click and you shouldn't fight. WOW! Everything about that statement is NOT TRUE! At least from what I have experienced thus far. Shane and I fight. I blow things out of proportion.
I just really want to get back to laying out my thoughts a little more on this blog. I get caught up in trying to make it look pretty and be really happy, but honestly, we all know thats not REAL. So I guess I'd like to try and be a little more real. I love to write. Like I said its really therapeutic for me. Not being concerned about offending someone or saying too much or too little or not being particularly cheery has really stunted my therapy. No longer will I let that happen! Huzzah!!!