I have like four posts drafted and nothing posted. I have had so much going on the past few months I really don't know where to begin. It really all started spinning out of control after our last trip to Oregon. Not in a bad way. Just in a busy way. This is the first few weekends Shane and I don't have anything planned. Anyway, I've had the urge to just write. Thanks to all these math classes I feel that I have gotten out of touch with my minute flair for writing. The other day I was thinking about how much I loved just writing. Nothing in particular. I am a fabulous rambler actually. However, when I was thinking about writing I did have a certain thought in my head. This probably came up because I was in the kitchen cooking dinner. I struggle with something. I bet a lot of women struggle with this, but maybe not. My struggles can be compared to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Miss Mee (thats my actual last name) and Mrs. Mee-Crocker if you will. Or even likened to the little angel and devil on your shoulder. Except I have a little susie homemaker on one side and a 21st century part-feminist on the other.
One side of me (the most outward side I'd say) is a working gal (not that kind...you know, red lights...no. I mean a lady with a job.). I am anxious to have a career, make a difference in the world, get a BA in something (or even a PhD), pay for stuff I want with hard earned cash. I want to go out with the girls and hang with the guys. I am already very independent. My mom always told me as a kid, "never depend on a man". Words that were a blessing and a curse. I want a voice in my relationship. I don't ever want to be told what to do.
On the other hand part of me loves the idea of staying home once I have kids. I find happiness in having a nicely set table and dinner cooking for my loved ones. If you've seen my Pinterest you'd probably be able to tell how domestic this side is from my "Handy Dandy" board. When I envision my susie homemaker side she isn't so extreme. I'm not the type to go to college for an "Mrs degree" or turn into some poodle skirt wearing Stepford wife. But I take so much pride in decorating my home and being a good baker and cook. I find so much happiness in making something with my hands that make others happy. I find a strength in sharing recipes with my Baba and with other passionate cooks.
The biggest debacle is finding a way to balance these two sides. I am still trying. Sometimes I turn too much into susie and end up burning myself out (ever happen to you?). I also have a tendency to work too hard and immerse myself in school, or what have you, that I get carried away and forget to pay attention to others needs or wants. This is truly an open ended thought here. I have a feeling the answer to this is a constant battle to balance the two. Hopefully when I am done with school and working in my desired career I can pave the way for Susie to take over. Until then... the battle must wage on.
Have any of you suffered from this syndrome? What is your strategy?