Sunday, September 30, 2012

Curl Up and Die: an emo title for an emo post

3x great grandma. She looks like a rad lady right?

I am not having a good time with life. Well some of life is really quite good.

Pros (because I need to be reminded):
- Mom got baptized. Wow, that one came out of left field. Thanks God!
- Mom and I are road tripping to Utah for conference!!! I am really excited now that everything worked out
- I FINALLY am caught up with my Womens History of the US reading!!!
- I have fantastic friends and a great support system. I'm really humbled by the friends and people I hold close to me. I'm not a quantity type of person more into quality.
- consistently going to this really fantastic class at the Well called Core and More and I already feel my balance is better. I've also been running again and I've gotten my entire household (all two of us) on the track to eating cleaner.

Heres where stuff gets emo:

- Single...again. I'm really sick of this guys (in general and guys!). I try really hard to open my mind and heart. Its really hard to not let all this make me really bitter and angry. Plus why do break ups affect girls more than guys?! Boys are such sluts. LDS guys are no exemption from typical inconsiderate behaviors. No worries. I'll sit at home doing family history research kicking it with my cats being all healthy and awesome with my Mom till I die. Heavenly father promises us if we don't get a chance to have a family down here we can have one up there. Blegh, my heart still hurts real bad though.

- as a result I need out of California. So I am doing some sneaky things to try and run away. May not be a bad thing though.

- I'm sick of being strong. Especially because people mistake it for coldness or having a hardened heart. I'm still a woman and I still feel.

I talked to my bishop today and we talked about not concentrating on the past, living in the present, and looking to the future. I don't know what to look to the future for. I guess I'll kick it in this fog a little longer and take it one uneasy step at a time. Regardless I have a lot of things to look forward to. Especially spiritually speaking.

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