Gradzilla.

So my visit to Humboldt ended up really terrible.
Sometimes things don't work out as you plan.
People change.
It happens.
I hold no grudges.
Slowly I am getting to the point of letting go with love.
Went to the ballet today. It was pretty amazing. two of the pieces were like watching ballet SEX! God it was fantastic! I love seeing dance like that. I love intensity. Maybe this is life pushing me to remembering that I have the ability of being a deep, passionate and intense person. I looked pretty pretty though! I would say one of the best dressed at the event.

Pink jacket from a thrift store. Dress from forever 21 ages ago.

Sunglasses on my head.

I felt very 60s tonight. I love getting dressed up. I wish I worked a job that I could wear dresses. I would wear them everyday. I have been having the worst luck with shoes lately. I have blisters from 2 separate pairs! Of course I will still wear them. I will just take preventative measures next time I wear them. The week is starting so that means shoes that allow for running after the kids at work!

I really want to blog about this boy I am dating. First off, he is really amazing. I am trying so hard to be hopeful about the situation. If it works out I will write about the story because it is kind of epic( I think I will write about it even if it doesn't. I am pretty grateful to have experienced this in my life time). I am mildly stressing that I need to take my hands off the wheel and let things happen a little more. This ordeal sort of makes me realize how much I have changed as a person due to past relationships. How unemotional I have been conditioned to be. I used to be so unabashedly hopeful and open with people in general and have toned down my passion and intensity as a result. I have this great capacity to be really deep and emotional. However, the second I let someone see that part of me I want to hide and get scared and embarrassed due to past experiences of people, especially men, telling me I was crazy or weird. 

My new personal goal is to allow myself to be that person again. I would like to reconnect with that girl and be unforgiving about it. If someone doesn't like that I asked a lot of questions and talk about things in some deep and creative sort of way then never mind them! I truly am a crazy imaginative artist type. So what!