Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I need to get it together.

I have a meeting for work via Skype in 9 mins.

I need to eat something

So I can be motivated to run and work out tomorrow morning

So I can even wake up tomorrow morning.

So I don't give up on moving and school and everything and hide in my bedroom.

At work when an autistic kid is crying or hitting, biting, cussing or doing any behavior that is undesired we ignore them. We do so in order to silently convey that their crying, which has gotten them what they wanted in the past, will not work. We teach them to say "I want x" or single word utterances (as we call it. ie: phone, bubbles, hugs etc) will get them what they want much quicker and usually with a very excited "awesome job asking!!" from us. I've tried this out on the rest of the world. Sadly, its worked very well. I try and remind myself that showing attention to bad behavior is counter productive. What happens when I am aiming to ignore the ENTIRE WORLD?! What happens when the bad behavior is so hard to ignore I start crying or screaming?! What if it becomes too much to ignore and starts to tear me down?! How do I ignore my own mothers bad behavior?

I start to feel like I am alone on a deserted island screaming for support and someone to have faith in me. Now my mom has pitted her  half of the family on me simply for being upset she can't be supportive and offer me some faith in moving out I really feel like I have no one. I know the economy is bad but I have run down so many options of what to do if I can't make all of rent. I can take out a student loan, I can ask for help, I can try my best. What do you do when your parents don't care for you to succeed? ITS NOT THE 1930'S!!! If you are so concerned that you will loose your job as a result of the economy then save your extra money and quit buying useless crap from home shopping networks.

I don't know if I can make it through sometimes.


  1. Goodness, I've often felt like I'm in the same boat as you're in now. It can be so difficult to deal with. But things will be brighter, I promise!

    Feel free to email me if you ever need someone to talk to. Anytime!

    Keep smiling!

  2. Your so awesome! Thanks! Its cool to know there are others out there during hard times.