Degrees of Light

"You don't need the Temple to have a happy marriage", was advice we received early in our engagement from a bishop. I remember sitting there, mind blown wondering, "why a bishop would seemingly discourage temple marriage." Now I get it. Of course in retrospect, on the very day my divorce is final, it all is perfectly clear.

As a convert I wavered with this temple thing. What was so great about it?! Why does getting married, or being "sealed", make any difference. At some point I thought, "Maybe being sealed does make marriages easier". At least thats what I was taught the past four years. If you get married in the "right place" at the "right time" You'll have a spiritual leg up on the marriage game.

My bubble was soon burst, as I realized that the Bishop was right. Just because one, or even both, parties may be attending church or going to the temple does not guarantee happiness. You don't need the church, or the temple, or a sealing to be happy. What helps is the Gospel and a close relationship with God.

People let you down, things don't turn out like you expected, life isn't static. It's when I was following the guidance of my Heavenly Father that I felt peace and happiness amidst such darkness. I still have so much to figure out. I'm not perfect, or a genius, nor do I have even some of the answers; but welcome to my journey anyhow.


*Freeze Update*
I inventoried my finances; both the output and income
I narrowed down my bills and expenses
Lastly, I'm working on establishing a weekly/monthly budget

I've been known to...

...Write to make myself feel happy when I am down. Writing has been known to make me feel better. I don't feel very well right now. Not because I am physically ill (however, I do feel physically ill as a result), but because I am just down in the dumps, good ol' blue. I unearthed my Granny's 1930s  bed frame out of the garage.  I put it together in the hopes that I would feel her near. The frames of the bed acting almost as her warm welcoming arms giving me a hug once again. The kind of hugs I used to get as a child.
 Connie uses her Granny's bed frame as well. I always loved her's because it sat so high up off the ground. My granny's does too. It almost makes you feel like you are flying. Flying away from anything bad...sleeping on a big fluffy cloud of happy. The height also make me feel small again. It brings be back to a time when the things that worry me now didn't matter so much. Since I got home and put the frame together I haven't really wanted to even leave my room, let alone the bed. This could be a dangerous thing. I have been known to stay in bed and mope. Although, staying in this warm cloud like bed reading "junk food" books all day sounds amazing.
My granny also slept in this bed alone. She was married to my papa unhappily. This bed seemed so huge when I was little. It seemed as though so many people could fit. I sure fit when I would come to wake her up in the mornings and jump on the bed. Maybe I will sleep in this bed forever alone? Give up trying like she did. Maybe there is no need for anyone else's warm hug than my Granny's bed? It is so much easier to fall in love with a bed that doesn't hurt you because it is so soft and pillowy. It's even, typically, in the same place you leave it every day. You can safely assume that beds are pretty reliable for that fact.
 My bed feels so small compared to his. Perfect for one person, and maybe my cuddly cat. This is going to be an adjustment. I am hoping, whatever the outcome, everything will be fine. Regardless I am going to continue writing to feel better. I am going to continue floating in my granny's bed.