Keepin it in the Family

I only vaguely remember family time. Family time really only took place in one household, my fathers. A friend of mine seems to share a lot family time. It has been, until recently, aggravating for me. I figured that it was so because I didn't really understand what the big deal was. Who cares about family?! Family hasn't ever been there for me and in return I never make time for it (really, as a result of this, in all relationships I have a hard time making space for people before they make time for me. Its a terrible habit, like bitting your nails, I know).

My dad and I even had "father daughter dates." We'd go play slot cars or mini golf. For me it was complete heaven. My dad is the epitome of a working class man, as is my family. My dad worked for the local electric company as a line man (still does the same profession at age 53  although in a different location) until he was electrocuted while on the job. Previous to that quality time with him usually took place after 8 or 9 pm in the garage handing him tools while he worked on his motorcycles. I'm not complaining, don't misunderstand, I learned a lot handing that man his tools. Aside from the one on one time I had with him there was the time spent with my crazy step mom, step sister and my half sister.

I don't really remember what we did. I imagine we watched movies or went out and did things together. Even if I called up my dad and tried to ask what we did for family time he probably couldn't tell you (however, he was working most the time or catching up on sleep, understandably). My step mom usually had something "naturey" planned. She fancied herself some sort of indian (not sure if she actually was. If so, I'd guess she hailed from the crazy fucking nut job bitch tribe. The woman was and is pure evil).

My mom's side are individualistic eastern european types. We don't do shit together (on the other side of the coin there are the eastern block types that do EVERYTHING together). Now that we are all of drinking age we can at least get drunk and pretend to like each other during holidays and the sorts. Our family time was usually out of some sort of puritanical obligation to convene at particular times of the year, also out of the pleasure of our grandparents, at the cost of immense stress to at least my aunt. Once my Baba dies I'm sure I will never see that side of my family again (cute boys my cousins bring home included, sad face). I don't plan on having a family. So I suppose I may not ever really understand this "family time" some speak of. But I will say this, I do respect and appreciate it. I do secretly feel like you guys plot or some kind of creepy conspiracy type deal when its brought up, just saying.

I am Deeply Inspired.

How can you not be when hearing the stories of WWII soldiers. Specifically I am moved by the 101st air borne H company and the 502nd Air Borne. Hearing the details of men crouching low to avoid incessant bullets raining down on them from German's sends a sense of pride through me. The graceful and deadly decent of german dive bombers over the soldiers below. A man describing "havin' enough of that" in regards to the men around him being killed by German snipers "opening up on em" to protect his fellow brothers in arms. Another vet once explained that his generation was the best and bravest there was, "If I was guilty of anything I will agree with being guilty of that". So would I!

This was a war the entire world stood together. This sense of pride and honor no longer lasts in the country. We as a people no longer stand up for ourselves the way these average men, these hero's did for so many they had never even laid eye's on. I will forever be immensely grateful to what those men and women did for their generation and all that would follow. We would all do well to remember the efforts and sacrifice of these people, this historic generation on a daily basis. I know I surely will.

We like to get fucked up and do fucked up shit.

Things seemed to be pretty fucking great up until this point.
I have been fighting feeling down for some time now.
I can't really play that anymore.
1 think to look forward to, going to oregon for 4th of July.
I am really excited about that.
Works kinda blagh. However, I really appreciate that I have a job I can wear short sleeves to. Hot!
Sign is good. I feel really good about my mid-term.
A guy tried to PURPOSELY hit me while I was running on the side of the road today. He told me to go on the side walk. I ran home and called the cops.

Ok, to break down some emo shit real quick:

So for some time I have felt down but had no idea why. The best I have come up with, after asking myself hundreds of times simply what I feel, is that I feel numb. You know when you have that painfully numb feeling? Thats it. I feel like a bad person because I don't feel anything. Supposedly this guy was trying to show me emotion and I didn't even know he was (which has happened a few times with him). Today he was showing concern when I told him I nearly got hit by a car. However, when talking about said incident, he explained to me that you have to make sure you eliminate certain variables or else it could be looked at as "looking for trouble". I doubt by doing my daily run, this one freak time, I was specifically looking for trouble when asking the guy who almost hit me if he saw me and then taking down his make, model and license plate number. I never notice when people are doing things out of emotion for me. Maybe I'm shut off? Autopilot? Painfully numb like when you hurt your hand or leg or something is the perfect explanation. I don't really know where to go from there.

When you eat a piece of heaven you burp angels!

Today

Been doing this a lot!:

Work was canceled on me last minute. Lame. I remedied the situation by contacting my fellow "hardcore" bud Rose, and hit the pool asap! We made nice with a lady at the pool now fondly nicknamed "patsy" (as in from Ab Fab. This lady was formerly known as "the science project" due to massive amounts of plastic surgery). We then decided that we needed to hit Costco for their delicious and mind blowingly inexpensive hot dog's and soft serve. That is when the quote from above was birthed after I had a satisfying burp. This week is going to be the best yet. Tomorrow's work got canceled as well. It's that, you are excited you don't have to work, yet bummed you aren't getting paid all wrapped in one. I am going to have coffee with an old friend after school and my work meeting. Wens-Fri I work and then hopefully I get to make a trip to visit muh sister and an old friend in the Santa Rosa area. This should be great. 

I am also ecstatic that my dad invited me to visit him in Oregon for 4th of July weekend. He is planning a party. I get a 3 day weekend and my sign language class will be done July 1st. How sweet is that?! I love getting emails from my dad. I am 24 years old and I still get incredibly giddy when he says nice things to me or whatever. I adore the man, I can't help it. Its odd to me at times considering our past. But he is, and will always be, my favorite guy in the world, my hero. Now time to shower and pray my delicious dawg and soft serve digest!

F.T.W

I've been really busy.
With school starting, I go Monday through Thursday, I feel like my week is extremely hectic.
Normal semesters I feel a little less so since the classes aren't as condensed and I only go twice a week.
It's good though. I am glad that my Sign class is so short and I can get that credit over with.
I am catching on really quickly.

I went swimming yesterday it was great. I had a good day yesterday. I loose patience with people very quickly. Which is interesting since I have gained so much as a result of my job. Maybe I just can't seem to have that same patience translate into my personal life. All I want to do is sit by a pool or something and swim. This summer I want to live in my bathing suit! I think I am going to be spending a lot of time alone doing that. It could possibly be me, but I think people are really fucking uptight lately. Summer is for relaxation for god sake! Whatever. My favorite thing to say when I'm apathetic towards something or what have you is "fuck me running". I am compiling all the southern 70's rock I can muster to make the ultimate summer compilation. You guys have any suggestions on what should be added? Of course there is the usual motley line up of the Allman bro's, Skynerd, Creedence and the like. Can you think of any I missed?
Well, I need to finish up my sign homework. Maybe head over to the pool in my new 10 dollar suit.

Open letter to People, specifically Boys. (Edit for reading material)

Dear Boys,
 You are terrible. It has been quite some time since I found one that was worth even having a conversation with. I question in many cases if you actually obtain any testosterone at all. You see, I am an old fashioned girl. I enjoy some of the fruits of the women's suffrage movement, like my education and right to vote. However, for the most part, I like my men to be of the stronger, rougher, tougher end of the spectrum. Alas, fate has only brought me to you. You, who jump up from the couch in a tizzy screaming in a high pitched voice "puppies!!!!" unable to get your door open fast enough. You, who doesn't like blood and gory movies. Who am I to watch horror movies with and hold me in their strong arms? Not you it seems.

I am scared of snakes and spiders. Will you be able to kill them for me? Will you, in a manly and loving fashion, be able to laugh at me freaking out and screaming from a snake as you save me from it? I don't think so. That all being said, you must know.

Liking art, being well educated, having a soft or sensitive side. These should all not come at the cost of your basic manly duties. There are women out there that crave to feel little, and even in the smallest sense feeble and cared for.

Yes I would like to be taken out and treated special. No I do not want to walk around with you to stores while you run errands less then a month into dating. A reminder boys, women get hormonal. Man up and realize that and just let our crazy, once a month, antics go. You and I both know that it's worth it. I understand that some of you may have had your balls chopped of from a previous relationship. Maybe you've been cheated on? Lied to? Well we all have. Pain is the nature of being a human. We all must over come it. You will benefit from the long run and it will make you stronger. In your new relationship with me though, leave that crazy, my ex emotionally cheated on me, cut herself, got in arguments, have been broken up for 5 years drama at the door. It's perfectly ok to talk about these things. As a woman I will listen with a loving and open heart. Then, I don't want to hear about it again. I want to hear about me. I want to hear about your likes and dislikes. I want to get to know you! Not your crazy ex girlfriends.

Since this is an open letter I don't intend to end it. I do however need to say this; shoot a gun. It feels damn good. You don't have to kill anything. Shoot a piece of paper. If you are terrified of guns or think they are horribly wrong, thats fine. But your missin out on some serious release of tension. Guns don't kill people, people kill people.

Check out this great website for references

Mini update

I am so fired!
I haven't updated this thing in forever.
Mainly because I am busy. Secondly because there is stuff I haven't decided on if I wanted to write about.
I hate that I don't feel comfortable (as with my livejournal I was) with writing whatever I want.

School starts next week. I will have a morning class and then go straight to work.
I'd like to write about some of my experiences with work. I feel pretty strongly about it.
I think you parents that read should probably hear about how autistic children are.
I am sure it will make you feel lucky as well as make you realize how normal your children are when they scream and cry and act out.

Alright. Gotta shower, eat and go have coffee with my favorite variety of rose...Rose!

Mantra for today: Today will be great. Work will go by fast. I am not sick, its just allergies.