Abner Stocking, American Third Division

Private Stocking was originally from Connecticut. Stationed in British Quebec. Winter of 1775.


November 1st. Our fatigue and anxiety were so great that we were but little refreshed the last night by sleep. We started however very early, hungry and wet. Knowing that our lives depended on our speedy arrival to an inhabited country, we marched very briskly all day and even until late in the evening. We then encamped in a fine grove, but in a starving condition. Captain Goodrich's company had the good fortune to kill a large black dog, that providentially came to them at that time. They feasted on him heartily without either bread or salt. Our hunger was so great that many offered dollars for a single mouthful of bread. Such distress I never before felt, or witnessed. I anxiously turned my thoughts back to my native land, to a country flowing with milk and honey. I was surprised that I had so lightly esteemed all the good things which I there once enjoyed. Little, thought I, do we know of the value of the common blessings of providence, until we are deprived of them. With such reflections I laid myself down on the cold, wet ground, hungry and fatigued.

I will be posting letters from the front lines of the Revolutionary war every day until the 4th of July. We must never forget the price of the freedoms we take for granted. On the backs of the original rebels, Americans. I will never forget.


Posterity: you will never know how much it has cost my generation to preserve your freedom. I hope you will make good use of it. - John Quincy Adams

Just call me the breeze

Call me the breeze 
I keep blowin' down the road 
Well now they call me the breeze 
I keep blowin' down the road 
I ain't got me nobody 
I don't carry me no load 

Ain't no change in the weather 
Ain't no changes in me 
Well there ain't no change in the weather 
Ain't no changes in me 
And I ain't hidin' from nobody 
Nobody's hidin' from me 
Oh, that's the way it's supposed to be 

Well I got that green light baby 
I got to keep movin' on 
Well I got that green light baby 
I got to keep movin' on 
Well I might go out to California 
Might go down to Georgia 
I don't know 

Well I dig you Georgia peaches 
Makes me feel right at home 
Well now I dig you Georgia peaches 
Makes me feel right at home 
But I don't love me no one woman 
So I can't stay in Georgia long 

Well now they call me the breeze 
I keep blowin' down the road 
Well now they call me the breeze 
I keep blowin' down the road 
I ain't got me nobody 
I don't carry me no load 
Oooh Mr Breeze

Help a Cousin It out. PLEASE!!!!

Their out of control!!!!! 

I am so tired of wearing them pinned.

I can't do that awesome french braid thing cause I don't know how to french braid.

Anyone out there have tips, suggestions or idea's on growing out bangs?

Right now they are at the most obnoxious stage, right at my eyes.

Too short to do anything fabulous with. Too long to wear down.

Swooping them is irritating for me at work. I hate having them in my face PERIOD!

HELP PRETTY PLEASE!!!!

Summer is for quilts!

I am on a hunt for the cheapest quilts I can find! The best ones of course are all over $100. Its a travesty. So I kind of feel like I challenging myself to find the thriftiest most amazing quilts I can find. Today I found one at Marshall's for about 30 bucks.

Raybeez approves.

I Had a Rough Day at Work.

So I felt like writing about it. I don't write about my work very much. Mainly I don't want my personal opinions to piss anyone off that has seen autism. Everyone has their own opinions, right?

  Preface: I really love my job. For the most part, the kids are pretty amazing. I get pretty good pay. I can show my tattoo's in all of the houses I work at. I really couldn't have asked for anything better. I have developed my own personal interest in autism as a result. That being said...

Sometimes, I want to start freaking out on their families. My current irritation at work is this one boy, I will call him Bob. Bob's parents decided it was a fantastic idea to get him an iphone. For an autistic kid this is freaking poison if not used in the right way. The right way would to only give Bob his his iphone when he does something he is supposed to or has been asked to do (use the potty, he is 6 and still in diapers, complete half a puzzle, etc.). However, little Bob is given this iphone as often as he wants it (which for an autistic kid is like all the time). The family thinks he has learned something. No! Bob is mimicking things that he has heard over and over and over because he likes to "stim" (autistic terminology for "stimulate") off them. Its even worse now that this 6 year old autistic boy has got a spiffy new IPAD!!!!!!!

You don't have to watch the entire thing. Please scan through it. This is what my job is. The lady on there is actually the woman who developed the method I teach my kids.

Now that bob's older brother is his babysitter its as if I am working with a spy in the room. If Bob gets mad because I am taking away his iphone or ipad in order to teach him to identify a picture of his mom, put together a puzzle, or go to the bathroom, mom gets a call. This family likes to cancel program early because Bob is "getting too upset because I am making him do so much." Like pee in a toilet? Stand up? Sit down? GRRRR! I want Bob to learn!!!! I probably shouldn't get too emotionally invested. When I get in a room with these kids I can't help but root for them to succeed. I want him to get out of diapers. I want Bob to hand me a picture of his mom. I want Bob to be reinforced by tickles or something tangible, not the flashy box! I see the vast intelligence deep in them hidden behind that fog. All my efforts are futile because the second I leave that house the boy is left to his own devices until another tutor comes in on Tuesday. Uhh Bob, I do care! I don't want to. I so miss your last baby sitter. 

I am really curious; do any of you out there know or have been around autistic children/people? What were your experiences? What were your thoughts? I am DYING to know.

Fill in the Blank Friday.(it's been too long!)

1.  If I could choose my last meal it would be     Food my Baba makes. Zaya, any baked goods, really just anything she makes  .

2.  My favorite person to share a meal with is      Rose and my friend Jimmy    because,     Rose is a waitress and I swear knows some secret code of eating out. Jimmy makes this hilarious face when food is really good. He looks like he is in pain, I've been known to make it from time to time. Both of them because they both LOVE food as much as I do.

3.  The best meal I've ever had was      I've had so many amazing meals I couldn't tell you. Probably my ex boyfriends ribs combined with a bunch of other things .

4.  The one food that makes me feel instantly better when I'm having a bad day is    cupcakes or frozen yogurt. Sweets I think is much easier to say. Give me a slice of pie, cakes, cookies, something like that. Or grilled cheese with soup.

5.  My absolute specialty in the kitchen is     Croatian potato salad, Turkey meatloaf, and baked goods .

6.  The city that has the best food is      Portland because (your not biased, its really true) SF is a close 2nd    and my favorite restaurant there is       The grilled cheese grille. I am hoping to go back soon and discover even more! 

7.  My favorite healthy snack is     Cheese sticks!!!!! 

8.  In my opinion the nationality which has the best food is     American. Its a mix of so many cultures and a pound of butter makes everything taste so damn good! I could live off Bbq food!

9.  If I could learn to cook anything in the world (and be really good at it!) I'd choose      Sushi and french food, that includes pastries    .

10.  The most outrageous dessert I've ever had was    some kind of delicious chocolate mousse out of a Martha Stewart cookbook when I was like 16. I wanna say it was not pretty but I think it tasted yum!

Keepin it in the Family

I only vaguely remember family time. Family time really only took place in one household, my fathers. A friend of mine seems to share a lot family time. It has been, until recently, aggravating for me. I figured that it was so because I didn't really understand what the big deal was. Who cares about family?! Family hasn't ever been there for me and in return I never make time for it (really, as a result of this, in all relationships I have a hard time making space for people before they make time for me. Its a terrible habit, like bitting your nails, I know).

My dad and I even had "father daughter dates." We'd go play slot cars or mini golf. For me it was complete heaven. My dad is the epitome of a working class man, as is my family. My dad worked for the local electric company as a line man (still does the same profession at age 53  although in a different location) until he was electrocuted while on the job. Previous to that quality time with him usually took place after 8 or 9 pm in the garage handing him tools while he worked on his motorcycles. I'm not complaining, don't misunderstand, I learned a lot handing that man his tools. Aside from the one on one time I had with him there was the time spent with my crazy step mom, step sister and my half sister.

I don't really remember what we did. I imagine we watched movies or went out and did things together. Even if I called up my dad and tried to ask what we did for family time he probably couldn't tell you (however, he was working most the time or catching up on sleep, understandably). My step mom usually had something "naturey" planned. She fancied herself some sort of indian (not sure if she actually was. If so, I'd guess she hailed from the crazy fucking nut job bitch tribe. The woman was and is pure evil).

My mom's side are individualistic eastern european types. We don't do shit together (on the other side of the coin there are the eastern block types that do EVERYTHING together). Now that we are all of drinking age we can at least get drunk and pretend to like each other during holidays and the sorts. Our family time was usually out of some sort of puritanical obligation to convene at particular times of the year, also out of the pleasure of our grandparents, at the cost of immense stress to at least my aunt. Once my Baba dies I'm sure I will never see that side of my family again (cute boys my cousins bring home included, sad face). I don't plan on having a family. So I suppose I may not ever really understand this "family time" some speak of. But I will say this, I do respect and appreciate it. I do secretly feel like you guys plot or some kind of creepy conspiracy type deal when its brought up, just saying.

I am Deeply Inspired.

How can you not be when hearing the stories of WWII soldiers. Specifically I am moved by the 101st air borne H company and the 502nd Air Borne. Hearing the details of men crouching low to avoid incessant bullets raining down on them from German's sends a sense of pride through me. The graceful and deadly decent of german dive bombers over the soldiers below. A man describing "havin' enough of that" in regards to the men around him being killed by German snipers "opening up on em" to protect his fellow brothers in arms. Another vet once explained that his generation was the best and bravest there was, "If I was guilty of anything I will agree with being guilty of that". So would I!

This was a war the entire world stood together. This sense of pride and honor no longer lasts in the country. We as a people no longer stand up for ourselves the way these average men, these hero's did for so many they had never even laid eye's on. I will forever be immensely grateful to what those men and women did for their generation and all that would follow. We would all do well to remember the efforts and sacrifice of these people, this historic generation on a daily basis. I know I surely will.

We like to get fucked up and do fucked up shit.

Things seemed to be pretty fucking great up until this point.
I have been fighting feeling down for some time now.
I can't really play that anymore.
1 think to look forward to, going to oregon for 4th of July.
I am really excited about that.
Works kinda blagh. However, I really appreciate that I have a job I can wear short sleeves to. Hot!
Sign is good. I feel really good about my mid-term.
A guy tried to PURPOSELY hit me while I was running on the side of the road today. He told me to go on the side walk. I ran home and called the cops.

Ok, to break down some emo shit real quick:

So for some time I have felt down but had no idea why. The best I have come up with, after asking myself hundreds of times simply what I feel, is that I feel numb. You know when you have that painfully numb feeling? Thats it. I feel like a bad person because I don't feel anything. Supposedly this guy was trying to show me emotion and I didn't even know he was (which has happened a few times with him). Today he was showing concern when I told him I nearly got hit by a car. However, when talking about said incident, he explained to me that you have to make sure you eliminate certain variables or else it could be looked at as "looking for trouble". I doubt by doing my daily run, this one freak time, I was specifically looking for trouble when asking the guy who almost hit me if he saw me and then taking down his make, model and license plate number. I never notice when people are doing things out of emotion for me. Maybe I'm shut off? Autopilot? Painfully numb like when you hurt your hand or leg or something is the perfect explanation. I don't really know where to go from there.

When you eat a piece of heaven you burp angels!

Today

Been doing this a lot!:

Work was canceled on me last minute. Lame. I remedied the situation by contacting my fellow "hardcore" bud Rose, and hit the pool asap! We made nice with a lady at the pool now fondly nicknamed "patsy" (as in from Ab Fab. This lady was formerly known as "the science project" due to massive amounts of plastic surgery). We then decided that we needed to hit Costco for their delicious and mind blowingly inexpensive hot dog's and soft serve. That is when the quote from above was birthed after I had a satisfying burp. This week is going to be the best yet. Tomorrow's work got canceled as well. It's that, you are excited you don't have to work, yet bummed you aren't getting paid all wrapped in one. I am going to have coffee with an old friend after school and my work meeting. Wens-Fri I work and then hopefully I get to make a trip to visit muh sister and an old friend in the Santa Rosa area. This should be great. 

I am also ecstatic that my dad invited me to visit him in Oregon for 4th of July weekend. He is planning a party. I get a 3 day weekend and my sign language class will be done July 1st. How sweet is that?! I love getting emails from my dad. I am 24 years old and I still get incredibly giddy when he says nice things to me or whatever. I adore the man, I can't help it. Its odd to me at times considering our past. But he is, and will always be, my favorite guy in the world, my hero. Now time to shower and pray my delicious dawg and soft serve digest!

F.T.W

I've been really busy.
With school starting, I go Monday through Thursday, I feel like my week is extremely hectic.
Normal semesters I feel a little less so since the classes aren't as condensed and I only go twice a week.
It's good though. I am glad that my Sign class is so short and I can get that credit over with.
I am catching on really quickly.

I went swimming yesterday it was great. I had a good day yesterday. I loose patience with people very quickly. Which is interesting since I have gained so much as a result of my job. Maybe I just can't seem to have that same patience translate into my personal life. All I want to do is sit by a pool or something and swim. This summer I want to live in my bathing suit! I think I am going to be spending a lot of time alone doing that. It could possibly be me, but I think people are really fucking uptight lately. Summer is for relaxation for god sake! Whatever. My favorite thing to say when I'm apathetic towards something or what have you is "fuck me running". I am compiling all the southern 70's rock I can muster to make the ultimate summer compilation. You guys have any suggestions on what should be added? Of course there is the usual motley line up of the Allman bro's, Skynerd, Creedence and the like. Can you think of any I missed?
Well, I need to finish up my sign homework. Maybe head over to the pool in my new 10 dollar suit.

Open letter to People, specifically Boys. (Edit for reading material)

Dear Boys,
 You are terrible. It has been quite some time since I found one that was worth even having a conversation with. I question in many cases if you actually obtain any testosterone at all. You see, I am an old fashioned girl. I enjoy some of the fruits of the women's suffrage movement, like my education and right to vote. However, for the most part, I like my men to be of the stronger, rougher, tougher end of the spectrum. Alas, fate has only brought me to you. You, who jump up from the couch in a tizzy screaming in a high pitched voice "puppies!!!!" unable to get your door open fast enough. You, who doesn't like blood and gory movies. Who am I to watch horror movies with and hold me in their strong arms? Not you it seems.

I am scared of snakes and spiders. Will you be able to kill them for me? Will you, in a manly and loving fashion, be able to laugh at me freaking out and screaming from a snake as you save me from it? I don't think so. That all being said, you must know.

Liking art, being well educated, having a soft or sensitive side. These should all not come at the cost of your basic manly duties. There are women out there that crave to feel little, and even in the smallest sense feeble and cared for.

Yes I would like to be taken out and treated special. No I do not want to walk around with you to stores while you run errands less then a month into dating. A reminder boys, women get hormonal. Man up and realize that and just let our crazy, once a month, antics go. You and I both know that it's worth it. I understand that some of you may have had your balls chopped of from a previous relationship. Maybe you've been cheated on? Lied to? Well we all have. Pain is the nature of being a human. We all must over come it. You will benefit from the long run and it will make you stronger. In your new relationship with me though, leave that crazy, my ex emotionally cheated on me, cut herself, got in arguments, have been broken up for 5 years drama at the door. It's perfectly ok to talk about these things. As a woman I will listen with a loving and open heart. Then, I don't want to hear about it again. I want to hear about me. I want to hear about your likes and dislikes. I want to get to know you! Not your crazy ex girlfriends.

Since this is an open letter I don't intend to end it. I do however need to say this; shoot a gun. It feels damn good. You don't have to kill anything. Shoot a piece of paper. If you are terrified of guns or think they are horribly wrong, thats fine. But your missin out on some serious release of tension. Guns don't kill people, people kill people.

Check out this great website for references

Mini update

I am so fired!
I haven't updated this thing in forever.
Mainly because I am busy. Secondly because there is stuff I haven't decided on if I wanted to write about.
I hate that I don't feel comfortable (as with my livejournal I was) with writing whatever I want.

School starts next week. I will have a morning class and then go straight to work.
I'd like to write about some of my experiences with work. I feel pretty strongly about it.
I think you parents that read should probably hear about how autistic children are.
I am sure it will make you feel lucky as well as make you realize how normal your children are when they scream and cry and act out.

Alright. Gotta shower, eat and go have coffee with my favorite variety of rose...Rose!

Mantra for today: Today will be great. Work will go by fast. I am not sick, its just allergies.