Thinking of you again.

Dear Future partner,

I haven't written you since Valentines day.

I thought about you though.

I can't wait to be terribly silly with you.

I could stand for some silliness in my life right about now.

School is such a serious place.

It would be nice to have someone to dance sillily at random and inappropriate times with.

I can't wait!

Source

Joining the secrets telling party.

I am scared to grow up. I am scared to have so much responsibility. I am especially scared it will be too hard and I wont succeed. Or I will loose my inner child. 

I secretly want 100 babies. Well not 100. I almost had one but miscarried. It's been easier to say I don't want them then to dream of having that little girl.

Source

I check my email a million times a day because I am so lonely.

I am scared I will never find "the one" and be alone. I secretly want to be happily married to a really great man. I feel I have a special bit of love saved up and yearn to give it to someone special. I am scared I may have found him but have lost it forever.

Source

I am really disappointed in my little sister. I am sad she is going down a really bad path.

I don't know how to be a big sister and I wish I did. We have been out of touch for most her life. But I have always thought about her and wished to be there for her. Now I am scared there is nothing I can do.

Who else will accept the dare to share?! (link me with your post!)

Inspired by Miss Elsie Cake, check out her secrets.

TGIF

My day is winding down.

So far so good though!

Woke up

Failed at trying to french braid my own hair. I just can't seem to do it.

I'll keep trying.

Went to the gym and had a really great work out.

Went to the school library and copied 20 or so pages from my french book

(I don't have $$ for the book just yet)

Then headed over to my friend Moody's to bake celebratory cupcakes

(I passed my Ch. 2 math test, success in math is always cause for celebration in my book)

I wore

(don't mind the luggage, I have yet to unpack from Oregon)

Cover Girl lip stain. I really like it.

I need this for ballet. It's perfect for a ballerina!

Holly at Create*Loves posted about it. Not to mention a bunch of other cute things from Pretty Zakka Shop

Vendredi heureux!

Fill in the Blank Friday.

1.  When I'm nervous I    fidget a bunch with my hair or fingers   .

2.  My favorite item in my closet is     My dress collection. It's not very big but I love them all  .

3.       drinking a cup of tea and listening to classical music in the bath        is my favorite thing to do when I need to relax.

4.  My favorite childhood memory is      Doing things with my dad. Going to the cheese factory. Hanging out with him in the garage while helping him work on his motorcycles. Especially when we lived at my Granny and Papa's house  .

5.  Something you may not know about me is     I can't stand certain color combinations. Red and brown, red and yellow Royal blue and yellow (so UC)   .

6.  A true friend   Is named Connie, who as Lauren already said, "  will tell you when you have food stuck in your teeth or when an outfit is "less than flattering".  They'll laugh with you, cry with you, and will drop everything to have coffee with you when you're having a bad day"   .

7.  Something I hope people think of when they think of me is     that I am a good and kind person. That I make them laugh. I have always just wanted to make people laugh and smile    .

For you Sassafras.

we've been up and down this road
we put a knife in the fork
we've seen the sun we've seen the storm
baby what are we running from
the lightning struck and left a glow
it's hard to let some things go
we know what's false but don't know what's true
baby where are we running to

Lookie here!

I was doing a little web deal hunting the other day and found this fab dress!

I thought it would be perfect for Sensibly Styled blog (blog geared towards the lady more interested in 

modesty like myself). Well they posted it! So go check it out. The dress is adorable and only 25 dollars!


PS: I saw a segment on the news this morning asking for people to call in and tell them if they would give cussing up for a week. I waver from sounding like a sailor to not cussing very much at all. I of course have tact with my cussing. However, it got me thinking. I am officially giving up cussing for 1 week. If all goes well I will extend it to a month. Maybe I can eliminate cussing out of my language entirely! Who's with me?!

What I Wore Today.

Jumping using photobooth is hard.

Holy Savings Batman!

I really loved this outfit at Banana Republic

However the base dress

Is $98!! And its wrinkly! Besides, the belt it comes with isn't even in the outfit.

Then I found this

It's only $68!!!

Who would have thought that Lands End has some adorable affordable pieces!

You know what this means? I need to get my fanny into a store and do some shopping. 

The girl in me can't take it anymore.

I have quite a bit left over on my Christmas gift card for Lohmans (thanks Auntie Cliva!!!).

I think I need to quench my fix a little. Tomorrow perhaps? After I kick butt at studying?

Quick mid-week Note.

According to the size chart on Ann Taylor LOFT

I am mere half inches from being a size 6.

That being said I am going to make a list of pants/shorts/skirts that are essential to my wardrobe.

Then when I reach a size 6 I am going to gift myself with a few.

Including:

AE Outfitters

Harem pants. Not sure about them. What do you guys think?

I have a feeling these are going to be one of those timeless pieces. You?

Shop Ruche. I want to live in these this spring/summer.

High waisted A-line shorts I am sure would be super flattering.

I can't wait! I am pretty ready for spring to be here. Which I can't believe I am saying.

I feel like the rest of the week I need to disappear from the world. 

I have a big french test coming up. I plan on spending all day in the library tomorrow.

I need to do a bunch of math homework (hopefully, not have to make up my CH. 2 test).

Read for my political science class.

Not to mention the normal chores; laundry, clean room, and any "me" time left over.

I have been really tired lately but not able to sleep.

I think it is becoming imperative that I make myself go to sleep earlier at night.

That way I don't feel the need to take a nap (which I usually can't fall asleep when I try anyway).

I am trying to make the house "womb like" in order to make myself pass out.

No such luck as of yet, or else I would be sleep-blogging haha.

Hope you are all enjoying your "hump" day! We're half way there!

Waddle.

So I wanted to take as many shots of Zeus while he was the size he is.

Zeus is a Brazilian mastiff and could get to 170+ pounds full grown.

Right now he is almost the size of a medium dog and he is only 12 weeks.

My favorite thing about this dog is the way he walks.

My dad said its because they were bread to be fast and agile to chase after big game cats and bears.

But I was lucky enough to get it on video!!!

Untitled from Caitlin Mee on Vimeo.

It will be interesting to see just how big he gets. I have a tendency to want to rough house with him. Which, when he is full grown could be a really bad idea for me.

Movie Review Monday

Not what I expected but thats a good thing!

Great movie, although, a little heart breaking.

If I was a psychology professor I would show this in class for sure.

Classic OCD.

I love the way they portrayed Phoebe's compulsions however.

Of course Alice in Wonderland is a spring board for the OCD.

I feel that its a great alternate view of OCD from a child's perspective.

Some of Phoebe's outbursts kind of got on my nervous. 

As most tantrums do anyway.

I really liked how her delusional characters were actually from her real life.

I love Felicity Huffman as "Linette" in Desperate Housewives, and loved her in this as well.

I loved the styling in this movie the best! 

I give it two thumbs up!

( all images from google)

Cloud 9

I made it back to Sacramento in one piece.
I had the most amazing time ever!

Possibly the most amazing time I've had with my Dad since forever.

I can't wait to share all the fantastic details.
But I have to get some sleep for my 7:30am french class tomorrow

My dad and I bonded so much.

I plan on going back in March and spending my entire spring break there!!

This is what I feel like doing I am so very ecstatically happy!

Chaine Turns! from Caitlin Mee on Vimeo.

I have decided.

I Smart-E-Pants Mcgee have decreed:

 I am totally going to reinvent myself.

The more I think about the better it seems.

I made the executive decision to have nothing to do with boys and romance so long I am in school.

Frankly, they are too distracting. Not to mention the majority of boyfriends I have had

are intimidated or something that I am so dedicated to school. 

I suspect they are insecure about themselves.

So I want to do this from the inside out.

I am severely lacking in confidence. I have for a very long time.

As a result of this I pass on things that will bring attention to me (also makes me despise my tattoos).

From here on out I will no longer buy black. Nothing against black. I just have enough of it already.

Most the time I choose something black because I figure the color option will make me stick out.

I worked on this when Aaron and I were together, however I just made it a point to wear colorful things.

I think I will just eliminate black.

I have a theory. If I feel confident, successful, happy all those nifty things it will attract like minded folks.

On top of that I feel it will set the bar for who I'd like around me.

I am going to spend every second of my life enjoying it!

I will no longer internalize negativity.

Such as:

People giving me crap about what I wear

others opinions on my tattoos

People "making fun" of personality traits

(I like being loud and silly damn it!!!!)

Can't

(will not even consider that word!)

Other peoples reactions to:

driving

Walking

running

If someone else gets upset I will just smile at them and let it go.

I am super excited to refine this goal and put it into action.

Something about today made everything click.

I emailed Aaron #2 (I split him into two different Aaron's because the one now is meeean) and I feel like I finally got rid of everything I was holding on to.

Being in this place of nature and around my Dad and his wife is so inspiring!

Seriously I love coming up here!

Oh, and Ceaser Millan, you can apply those rules to children and yourself.

I plan on doing more research on this.

On Top of Ol' Smokey.

Calm before the storm!

The side of I-5

Olive Pit! I try and stop here every trip up. They have millions of different kinds of olives.

I got the most delicious dark chocolate covered almonds, sugar free!

I always buy the garlic stuffed olive's. Probably the only garlic I can eat without wanting to die.

California Himalayas'

(Shasta Mountain)

Snow! Dirty snow. But snow still!

Starting to loose it.

I'm done driving!

I made it to my dads at 7:13pm (Tom Tom said so). I left Sacramento a little after 12pm. I made really good time.

We had a great quick dinner. Talked about hot button things. I love the conversation in this house hold.

My dad's before dinner blessing was probably one of my favorites this time.

Last but not least, introducing....

Zeus!

The most cutest mastiff puppy in the whole wide world. I will have to take video of how he walks. It's hilarious. His paws are HUGE compared to his body. He is 12 weeks old. Venise (my dad's wife) is amazing with him. He is already pretty well trained.

Fill in the blank Friday.

1.  If I could  medal in an olympic event it would be     a figure skater. I used to skate when I was little and dreamed of competing.

2.  If I was stranded on a deserted island I'd take      something to store water. A can opener. Some canned food. All of my unread books. Raybeez my cat (he can eat the rats on the island.).

3.       The end of the world in 2012       are my most irrational fear.

4.  I'd rather      eat meatloaf (which I HATE)   everyday,  than       have to listen to Miley Cyrus    everyday.

5.  I am     excited about this entire weekend .

6.  I should really be    doing not much else than what I am doing. I am on "vacation" you know.

7.  One of my favorite things in all the world is     coming up to my dads place. Everything about it is super magical. It's wonderland    .

Quick Note.

I am at my Dad's in Southern Oregon.

The night sky is amazing and accompanied by frogs and crickets as its theme song.

I listened to 10 chapters of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince on my Ipod.

Probably the best drive I've had up here in quite some time.

Zeus, my Dad and Venise's new mastiff puppy is adorable!

So much contemplation on the ride up here.

I've decided that Oregon has way better rest stops than California.
My feet are killing me from ballet.

Aside from that, I am so so so happy to be here. 

Pictures to come.

Time to gaze out the bedroom window at all the stars.

Night night!

(Thanks A for my Tom Tom. Life saver!)

I am weary let me rest.

Why did you kiss me in the rain?

You made such a point of it.

No, I'm not doing well.

Yes, I am still hurting.

Positive thought of the day:

( Since you say I have none)

I am going to have the best time at my dads.

And an equally good time singing in the car at the 

top of my lungs on the way there.

I Appreciate

(on a skate board as a teen, isn't he the coolest?!)

My Dad.

Now, my Dad and I have had a rocky as rocky could be relationship. 

To make a long story short he hasn't really been around for so many reasons.

So many of my friends have seen the roller coaster that is my Dad and I's relationship.

Pretty much all of them are frustrated and upset by how I am with him, especially now.

I am crazy about my dad!

When I was a kid we were buddies!

My favorite memory is when we would go to the cheese factory in Marin.

We'd get brie cheese, french bread and hike up Mt. Tam. It was so amazing. I appreciate the time we 

spent together when I was younger and all the things he showed me.

He was the one parent that really disciplined me. As a result I still feel silly cussing in front of him and I am 24 years old. I appreciate the discipline I got...now.

My dad is also really awesome because he races motocross and is 53.

He has been riding motorcycles since he was 13 years old.

He has survived breaking his neck in 6 places during a race and still keeps going.

My Dad worked for PG&E as a line man (gas and electric co. here in CA) forever.

He was electrocuted once while working on lines and fell 30ft to the ground.

He nearly completely lost his memory. He is a lot better now. But still has problems remembering things.

I even double checked through email with him that he was aware I was coming tomorrow to visit.

I appreciate the opportunity to see someone be so strong. Which is probably where I get it form.

I have to give it to him though. The past year he has totally stepped up in the best way he can.

I appreciate so much reading emails from him saying that he was proud of me 

of how much I am determined with school.

It is great to have someone excited about and supportive of me!

I appreciate how motivational he is especially with faith.

Faith is a new thing for me and he really helps with guiding me in that.

"Hang in there with school, you are the one that is going make it happen, no one else, if you don't try, you won't succeed. You hold your future in your own hands, you can, you will make it Cait. I have faith in you, and when you think that it is too much, call on GOD to help you through."

I love being able to go visit in Oregon. It's the best retreat ever. I get to go and be alone. Walk around

the area. We talk about all kinds of things at dinner time, politics, economy, family, life!

I appreciate him being around now. He isn't what I may have dreamed of as a kid when he wasn't around; but I appreciate who he is and what he is able to share. My heart just gets so full of joy when

I talk with him. Just like a giddy little girl inside!

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Skid marks on my heart.

I was watching something as background noise and heard 

someone say something along the lines of, 

"if you spend too much time dwelling on what you don't have you wont appreciate what you do."

I think that is so true. I get lost in thought when I am on the treadmill and I meditated on this quote.

I feel that not only will you lack appreciation for what you do have you will risk loosing it.

Or in his case, pushing it away in hopes to find something better.

As I viewed what he has at his age as so much!

None of my friends his age or older have what he does

and they are happy.

So, as a personal effort to appreciate what I do have I will be doing profiles on things/people I love

and appreciate that are currently part of my life. Since I will be visiting him in 2 days,

I will be writing a profile on my Dad first.

So stay tuned!

Dearest you.

Tonight was sad.

I tired to make a step forward.

I feel like I took 2 steps back.

I feel haunted by you. I even saw a truck pass me today with your name on it.

I don't think I have been in this position in 6 years.

Last time I tried to fix it the same way.

That ended up with worse heart ache than what I started with.

This time I need to go at it alone.

In time, I will have learned more about myself and life than I ever have.

I am terrified.

I miss you tonight.

Dear future partner...

In honor of Valentines day:

I am excited to meet you one day.

First things first. I wan to let you know that I love and appreciate you.

Thank you for putting up with my perpetually cold feet.

I understand that I have a large personality, somedays are bad and some are good.

Thank you for taking all the days with such grace and stride.

I warn you now my family is crazy.

My mom's side especially.

I promise we wont spend too much time with them.

Connie is my best friend and sister.

Thank you for not being intimidated by our closeness

and crazy ways. 

I hope you enjoy being silly and goofy together.

I am a complete nerd. Especially for history. So be prepared to see me freak 

out over historical land marks and information.

I suck at math. If you are ever doomed to help me with math, I will owe you big

for your complete patience.

I am terribly dramatic at times I know. I am a regular Scarlet O'heara. But know that 

it comes from the most loving and endearing place in my heart.

I am a know it all and I will at times fact check to a fault.

It's best to let me live in my ignorance because know that deep down I know 

I am possibly wrong and being silly.

I love road trips. I hope you love them too. Maybe you will join me in a road

trip across the south. Or a trip to the first 13 colonies.

I am terribly cynical. I think jokes that most might find inappropriate are hilarious. I hope you can take a joke. As a side effect from having so many guy friends, I am a ball buster. Please don't take me as mean or serious.

I have a past. I hope you have one too. Because it is our pasts that make us the people we are today.

I regret nothing in mine because it made me who I am and brought me to you.

I love cupcakes and goat cheese. I hope you like to go to the gym, because I love to bake and cook.

I love going places. I don't like to sit on the couch too long.

Sometimes I need to do things for myself. I hope you enjoy doing things for yourself.

maintaining individuality is very important in our relationship. We should never be the dreaded "We".

I am loud. People are horribly irritated by this. Hopefully you will just find me boisterous!

I sing really loudly in the car. Hopefully if you know the song you will damn the man and sing a long!

I hope that you know that if I fall in love with you it will be forever. I hope you love me back the same way. I hope you appreciate and cherish the partnership we share. I hope you realize that I am a really great, well rounded, loving person and know that I realize those things in you. I will stick with you through anything. If you need to find yourself, I will be there to support you when you need to talk. If you are sad, upset, feeling like the world will never work out for you, negative, anything I would love the opportunity to be your rock as you are mine.

I can't wait to meet you. I hope you are ready when I do. Because I plan on keeping you.

Love always, Caitlin

Style Files.

Every spring people seem to get the innate urge to clean everything out.

Not me. Well, kind of.

I get the urge to clean out my closet.

I have always struggled with my personal style.

When I was younger I was kind of a punk rocker so (contrary to popular belief) my style was kind of easy and set.

(sophomore year. OMG!)

Did the Rockasilly thing. No tattoos! Oh how I miss it.

I can dress myself. Its just nothing very notable.

Then everything changed. I've gone through so many fazes my closet and pocketbook can't seem

to keep up. It seems that every spring is when my evolution if you will starts a new. 

Like a re-birth of sorts I suppose.

I know what I like. I see you guys (yes my blogger buddies, you!) with your fabulously cute style.

I love it! Sadly, I have no clue what to buy or how to put it together. I study a particular outfit I like. They seem so simple, shirt, bottoms, belt. It always seems to be a combo of 3 or so seemingly simple things.

Kind of a trinity of adorable.

If I had the money I would hire someone to come in and do an overhaul. Cut my crazy fashion to ribbons! However, I have been known to put something together

Again, nothing notable.

More to come....

Blah!

I plan on making a really fun post. I am getting the spring cleaning bug.

My finger is killin' me! Stupid cat. It's kinda irritating to type without using it.

Very contemplative. I don't know if I can carry on with this.

Lust to Love.

Ruche

J. Crew

I would love for all my t-shirts to be from J.crew. They are all so pretty!

Down east Basics. Jersey! So comfy!!

Down East Basics. Such a festive dress.

Old Navy

Modcloth. Out of stock. Boooo!